My parents might take me back to Iraq next summer and it’s making me lose my mind.

Hello, hope you’re well. tl;dr at the bottom. Context: i’m a college student in the US, born here but my parents are from Iraq. i’ve been to Iraq in the past on multiple occasions. My father is currently in Iraq on a trip by himself so at my house it’s just me my mom and my brothers. My mom was picking me up from class (i can’t drive lmfao) and we face timed my dad. I was having a great day and the week seemed like it should be great and i’m usually happy to see my dad so i had a big smile on my face. So I was talking to one of my family members in Iraq on this face time and they asked me when I’m coming back or if i wanna come back or something like that (it honestly felt like a blur, i just got so like mad and was in shock) because like i said i’ve been there before and i was just like no…and then my dad was like why not we can go next summer. i thought be was joking at first, then i realized he was serious. at this point my smile was completely wiped off my face i had a blank stone cold expression, i was in shock. my mom even noticed my expression and laughed. anyways i’m like no i don’t want to. or something like that i honestly kind of forget the details. my mom and dad are like we’ll talk about it when we get there. after the face time ends, my mom is asking me about it and i guess trying to convince me, i’m like no it’s summer i want to work (trying to give her a good reason to not take me). i honestly forget what happened after that or what she said. i was just in shock and kinda angry i guess. ever since then my mood has completely been ruined. i dread the day now even if it is months from now. maybe they’ll forget by then. maybe they weren’t being that serious (although they were insisting on it). maybe if all of my brothers say no they won’t take us. maybe they were just trying to gauge my interest (although again why would they be insistent on it then. but maybe they would try to convince me but if i really don’t want to they won’t take me for some reason this feels likely but it’s wishful thinking). but this has seriously sent me over the edge. i’ve been to iraq before i don’t like it there. i don’t want to waste a summer there in the prime time of my life. i’d honestly rather d*e than go there again. i’ve been getting urges to do bad things to myself but i know it’s unreasonable to do something before i know what is going to happen. but i feel like if i do somehow actually have to go that would give me a good excuse to do something and i feel pretty certain that i would actually do something. i feel like i’m going crazy. this world is so cruel and unfair. this feels like some kind of sick joke.

tl;dr: college student in the US with parents from Iraq who want me to take another trip there next summer, it’s sent me spiraling out of control