hello and thank you for your comment.

i do understand what you are saying and will work on that. but with this i feel it can be interpreted in several different ways kinda like many different forms of art. my favorite poem is written by robert frost call fire and ice. i feel that can interpreted in different ways also.

Please read until the end :) sorry for the chunk of text

I feel like there are some good lines but the poem doesn't really say much overall, this feels like the begging or middle of a poem but it lacks commentary or analysis.

You have the bones of a poem but it needs a theme to drive it, your rhythm is solid most of the time and the readability is great but you need to find something to say; right now it's just a collection of idioms and phrases instead of a poem.

The best way to test for this is to look at a poem you like and parse some sort of meaning from it. You can do this with pretty much any well written poem.

You could use some of these lines and a rewrite to try to say something about life, or comment on the lines to say something about advice, or something entirely out of the blue like how often the letter a seems to appear? The meaning doesn't have to be deep and a lot of great poems don't actually get super deep or meaning of life like, it just has to have one.

I hope 

hello and thank you for your comment. i feel, and maybe wrong, that it cant be interpreted in different ways. is it work? life? or the game monopoly

In one view, poetry is skillful language. One (common) poetry skill is making things tail rhyme, as this poem does.

>In a world so lonely and cold

Starting with "In a world" is a [cliché](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clich%C3%A9), which means 'doing something common in art'. An artist may use a cliché filter for their art, meaning looking for and excluding anything that's already been done. Clichés can be cheap & cheesy, though sometimes they fit or make things simpler. In general the poem uses cliché words, phrasings, and tail rhymes:  commonplace relative to the sea of what already exists. There's the skill of making a poem contrast with normal language, like trying to throw something as high as possible (in as many dimensions as possible, idk if that makes sense though). I suppose being able to recreate normal language is also a skill, e.g. 'voice acting' or 'representing characters from different cultures'. A poem could be a blend of ten different common-language prose verses bu

>"im sorry if that didnt meet the standards"

Well, here are the standards, which are in the sub rules on the side of the screen, under "4. Feedback must be high-effort": [https://www.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques](https://www.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques)

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>"I am no poet but i do like to dabble in writing song lyrics"

That makes you a poet in my book, unless those lyrics are also stolen from elsewhere.

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>"from now on i will just enjoy others poetry"

Feel free to post **OC poetry** (something you *wrote*), after giving high-effort feedback to two other poems as required, at anytime. Otherwise, check out r/justpoetry, where giving feedback is not required and you will likely get none yourself for that reason.

from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!!  Seriously thank you for your feedback. 

first ill touch on your last paragraph. I am no poet but i do like to dabble in writing song lyrics. ive never studied poetry so i gave feedback on those poems by the way they made me feel. im sorry if that didnt meet the standards. from now on i  will just enjoy others poetry

i do totally understand  your comments and truth be told i dont have much time so i wrote this as sort of nursery rhyme for my off spring to understand, possibly help guide them through life. basic word usage and open to interpretation to what even problem they may come across. 

Again, thank you for your feedback i have learned alot from it

I hope you were sincere when you said your skin is thick.

Almost every line of this 'poem' is a self-contained idiom/cliché, so – and I cannot stress this enough – what *exactly* did you do here other than shuffle around some worn-out lines you found elsewhere? Also, off the top of my head, I can think of two examples of famous works that prominently rhyme '-old' words in a similar way (that dumb song "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic, and any of the countless versions of the "I don't know but I been told" chant) and neither is what one might call a beneficial connection. Speaking of connections, there are none within the poem. "Blood is a river not about depth but flow": what? How does that relate to "break out of the social mold"? Isn't 'going with the flow' and not concerning yourself with depth conforming to society's expectations?

I know folks on the Internet like to say that poetry is just "whatever you want it to be, dude" (in which case, we should probably just stop using the w


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

A good first poem I you ask me. Personnaly im a sucker for the form and you will see people here are not really into it. I like you ryhmes but try spacing them to make them breath like: toll - gold - bowl- fold rather than toll - bowl - gold - fold. Also I notice, being also new to this, that being sermonous our preachy got a bad rep. Lastly and most importantly, try to propose a good imagerie with original and powerfull words, that is so important for a deeper and lasting impression.

Rules of the game