I admire your ability to rhyme each line like that. If I tried that I'd sound like a discounted Dr. Suess. Nice work!


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Hey, not too bad for a first poem! I love the title and the imagery you have going on here with your life being a sky that gets broken up by storm clouds. I think you might be relying too much on your rhyme scheme here. Rhyming is certainly a big element to some poems, but sometimes it can be overbearing. I think what you should focus on a little more here with revisions is the overall flow. Pay attention to how long each line is and how it sounds when you read it out loud. I think your first two lines flow together really well. Your third seems too reliant on forcing a rhyme and then your fourth line seems way too long in the context of the whole poem. Maybe even keep the rhyme scheme, but just try playing around with your line lengths some and try to get them a little more similar.  I think you have a good foundation here, and I wish you the best of luck with your future writing efforts.

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