Remember, You asked

"How ya' doin'"

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I am being held together with duct tape and baler twine.

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I take a handful of pills in the morning.

Then another whack in the evening

to offset the side-effects of the morning batch.

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My Doctor opened a new wing in his filing cabinet

and named it after me

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I have my own ambulance

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My wife has taken out a subscription with Burials and Cremations Weekly

and asked "Do they leave you in the suit?....seems a waste."

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Even in polite company there is no bodily function off limits for discussion

and comparison...sometimes seems like a competition.

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Waiters in restaurants take my pulse before accepting my credit card.

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I know I have a "screw loose",

but there are things now that require regular adjustment

just to remain useful.

If it stops hurting is when I really start to worry.

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By the way.....

Don't phone me from some noisy spot, and for Gods' sake, speak clearly

You can text me but make sure you are using the large font.

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But ....yeah, ok.....Yourself?

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A good day for some silly poems