I've reread this poem a half a dozen times, and it reads different every time.  Not in a bad way, mind you, but rather like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story.  Hopeless?  Perhaps.  Your results may vary, I'm sure, but I enjoyed the images it inspired in my mind.  Nicely done. 😊

I received it as it was meant to be received. Very sensitive and keenly observed. Read more, write more!

Thank you for your feedback! To share a bit of the point of view I wrote it from, this is absolutely a list of seemingly unrelated items but they are far from sad and, to me, are places I have found love that I can relate to, where love is not the first thing seen on the surface

This is different and I feel like with some rewrites could be a very interesting poem. It reads as the writer giving off a sense of hopelessness, (to me at least), and that much is clear. What isn’t clear is the imagery used. It’s a little sporadic and all over the place and for me this made it difficult to connect with. I think there are solid lines in this which for me personally always gives me an idea if it’ll be someone I’d like to keep hearing from.  Even in this short piece there’s multiple. Again I just think it needs a little rearranging and maybe for you to try to paint a singular image of hopelessness instead of a bunch of random sad moments. 

This is just my take and again I think there’s something really good underneath this. 

Cheers!

The only part where I feel a bit lost in is the last bit "Soaked. In. Blood."

IMO would be a bit stronger without repeating it, or without the extra punctuation. Soaked in blood is already a strong thing to say once

The imagery is rich, and vivid, but there's some space lost between tangential thought and what connects all of this. 

I love lines like "On the fridge shelf (behind the milk)" contrasted against "Amongst forgotten graves", and "In the way the waves return/ At the bottom of a glass"

"In the bathtub/Staring at a frozen lake/Right before the coaster drops" doesn't connect as well and takes me away from the meaning you've been building. 

It's a tenuous balance between expressing your stream of consciousness and building a cohesive piece. It might be worth deliberating on how each line feeds into or contrasts the next, deciding if it's worth it to be more unexpected or 1-2 punchy

I first want too say i enjoyed reading this piece. The fast paced tone and flashes of images are nice and make this piece unique.   
The ending however was a bit lack luster. It felt like at certain point the piece was building up to something and then the ending didn't deliver. The way you try to force emphasis for the ending was also a tad bit much. I personally think it could have been good with just "Soaked in blood." and there. Everything else felt too extra.   
Also, I think you should find focus in the piece as a whole. The way it stands now seems incomplete and just more like a list of things that represent the title.   
Another point i'd recommend, but this might be a personal preference, is to elaborate on some images.; like the fridge line.   
I really did enjoy your piece and look forward to more pieces you'll write.

Thank you. I feel like it's incomplete so all of this feedback helps a lot

Loved this! I'm sure a lot of people will love the ending but I found it jarring. The whole rest of it was uplifting and the end felt too sudden and strange of a genre change. Went from Sound of Music to horror film at the last second. Like the last season of Game of Thrones. Happened too fast.

Loved all the rest of it though.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I love the fact that you gave hope to places you've deemed as hopeless. Given love to things some may not want to. If I was the way the waves returned, I would thank you for some final recognition.

On the first read I thought it's all adding up to a culmination at the end, as it has that sort of rhythm on how it's written.
On the next read, I re-read the title as well, it all made sense. It is quite clear that these are some very personal things and I did not relate to any, however poetry like this can be very healing for the author (acknowledging and appreciating the small things in life).

This cuts a lot of ways, I like it. Depending on your mood and mindset it takes on a whole new interpretation. This is like a good example of its not a glass empty or a glass half full. Its just a glass

Some very descriptive imagery here! Something I have to improve on myself. I do have to admit I'm not absolutely sure what it's about, but you really do paint a picture with your words and I think that was the main point. Like some sci-fi world building in a poem. 

Great stuff

I love this so much, you've found an amazing balance between a really personal feeling but also leaving it open to the imagination, I can imagine a whole film based on it. Very intriguing poem.

Profound.

Original.

Evocative.

Mysterious.

Really very good, and where better to find love than where hope has been abandoned?

On the darkside of the moon   
Beneath the blankets   
In the bathtub   
Staring at a frozen lake   
Right before the coaster drops   
Under the stars   
Mixed into tattoo ink   
Buried in dirt   
On the fridge shelf (behind the milk)    
Amongst forgotten graves   
Between the folds of time   
In the way the waves return   
At the bottom of a glass   
On the edge of the horizon    
In a sliver of silver    
Soaked in blood.    
Soaked. In. Blood.    
    
Feedback   
     
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y1bk41/seashells/irwdd4x?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3     
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y0lvay/but_i_might_enjoy_lying/irwd5g5?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3    
        
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Hopeless Places I've Found Love