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r/relationship_advice•
Lex_D

Advice or wisdom

Hello I'm m/20 and currently in a relationship with my partner f/20 of 2 years on and off recently me and a friend from back in school f/20 that I had a huge crush on and how where hanging out again the crush has come back 5 fold I'm decently in experienced with relationships/having feeling so I'm freaking out a bit, I'm still deeply care about my partner but it's getting harder to ignore my feelings for my friend and I don't want to stop seeing her because our time together is very valuable to me any advice or word's of wisdom to an inexperienced person

I hope I'm following all the rules first poster here

Posted Oct 13, 2022, 12:13 PM UTC

14
lampishthing•

For a 2 year relationship you should probably try to wait this out a bit. Crushes come and go throughout your life even for folks that have been married for years. Around the 2 year mark of a relationship some people get a bit antsy - the honeymoon period can be wearing/worn off and what you're left with is something more mature and less exciting. You're building a partnership and a life together. So yeah, don't act on your crush and don't do anything rash because you could just be missing the excitement. Keep the friendship (though maybe with some more distance for a while) and see how you feel in a few months. If it's something real, if the itch doesn't dissipate, then you should open up to your gf that you're not ready for a long-term commitment yet and move on.

2
MsPhantomhive84•

Well, in my opinion, you need to be honest with your partner, and go from there. You need to decide if you want to end your current relationship to pursue your crush, or stay in your relationship.

2
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1
diagnosedwolf•

Write down five things you like about your partner. I really do mean this literally: get out a notebook and hand write a list. Studies show that there is a significant link between the act of writing something out and our memory, emotions, and general cognition.

It can be anything. Nothing is too small. “I like his butt.” “He brought me a coffee today” “he stubbed his toe and said fudgsicles instead of swearing, it was cute.”

Repeat this exercise every day. Eventually, it will become a habit. (As a bonus, if you write all your likes down in the same notebook, it becomes a wonderful gift for a special occasion!)

Doing this refocuses you on the person you are actually with instead of the idealised version your mind has created of the person you’re crushing on. It’s training your brain to be in love long-term.

1