Source
r/OCPoetry•
Vaelkyrim

Highs and falling

Workshop

Falling
Down
To earth
Wind
Rushing
Past

Numbing my nose and my ears

See
The land
Spread
Below
So far
Away
Slowly
Growing
Closer

Suddenly I’m feeling dizzy
Vertigo? Pressure differential?

Thinking
Of you
As I fall
Head
Over heels
Tumbling
Down
To Earth
High
As a kite
Ripped
Torn
Falling
Tumbling
Down

I love when I’m high
I feel like the world is laid out for me
To do with as I please

And then
I fall
Always
I fall
Fingertips
Freezing
Eyes shut
Twirling
About
In midair
Towards
The earth
Laid out
For me
To land
To crash
A torn kite
Broken wings
Failing
Falling

I wonder if Icarus paused to appreciate
Just how beautiful the fall is
The high sun might feel good
But to see mine oyster draw ever closer—

1 2

Posted Oct 19, 2022, 8:55 AM UTC

46
thedanyon•

The short, sometimes single-word, lines lend to the tense feeling of falling. This continues and one begins to feel as though they are falling with the author. As the piece progresses, the author seems to become comfortable with this tense atmosphere and the lines become longer, until the end when they seem to reach an epiphany. I enjoyed the ride!

2
Informal_Resolve_568•

Love how unique the arrangement is, just makes you admire how each word connects to the next, and my favorite part is the ending it really got me :,)

2
Historybuffydude•

Oh wow, this one is unique. I love it and I appreciate the format work to make it aesthetically pleasing. This had to take a lot of work. Was worth your effort though. Great writing., thank you for sharing. :)

2
Ok-Professor-1375•

oh wow this is impressive. I really love the way jts set up and almost ever word feels like it has meaning and emphasis behind it. One edit I would make is this were my writing would be the “twirling about in midair” part of the poem. about is its own stanza. I wonder if twirling in midair would be better so as to not take away from all the important one word stanzas. the word “about” doesn’t add much to the poem in the way other words do. that’s all i really have to critique though because this is very impressive!! nice work <3

2
VaelkyrimOP•

Oh interesting, you’re right that there’s no real power to the word “without”. Personally, I wrote it that way to try and keep some consistency in line length; I want the poem to look like falling, too, and to me that looks like long and thin lines. But I really appreciate the comment!

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