Sometimes when you think you've got it figured out, it all falls apart.

TLDR; Health issues suck

So forgive the hopefully short life story. Growing up was difficult, I've always had a certain level of anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I also have fairly bad ADHD which was not diagnosed until I was 20. Elementary and Highschool were a bit of a nightmare to say the least. It seemed like all the other kids were given an instruction manual on how to interact and be social, but someone forgot to give that to me. I had serious trouble making friends and was more or less bullied on a daily basis. I also struggled with the work itself, if I was interested in the subject I was the top of the class, if I wasn't I'd be the bottom of the class, but of course because I wasn't hyperactive, ADHD never crossed anyone's mind.

Enter my 20s, I finally start to figure out how to be social. Yeah, I'm a bit quiet, yeah I still suck at small talk, but I have friends, I'm dating, and I'm self-employed and actually doing fairly well for myself, I've also found hobbies that I'm passionate about that also bring in a bit of income. Depression is minimal, but anxiety is ever present. Still, I'm doing okay.

Well here come my 30s, making decent money and fairly happy. I've got enough money saved for a decent down payment on a home with one caveat. It's become so expensive to live where I am that I can only afford a place an hour away from my current location. Well, so be it, I won't see my friends as much but I can make new ones in my new area right? So that's what I did.

I've got my new home, and shortly after I start having health issues in the form of intense and unpredictable abdominal/stomach/intestinal pain and pressure. I've been seeing doctors about this issue for 5 years now with almost no improvement. Done all the tests, done various food trials, been poked and prodded and scoped to no avail and been told by doctors that they don't know what's wrong, are happy to just call it IBS, and that I should learn to live with it. Ha-ha.

It's bad enough and unpredictable enough that I can't work a normal job, have no real way to make friends anywhere other than online. Money is slowly becoming a real concern, and with the current rate of inflation and looming recession I have no clue how I'll even survive. It feels like my ability to live and do the things I enjoy are being taken from me. I spend the majority of my days alone and in physical pain with just my dogs for company.

This is frightening, isolating, and lonely as hell.