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r/OCPoetry•
aint_it_aaronic

Sing Me to Sleep

Workshop

As I lie in a state of death adjacent,
I listen as you sing me away.

I cannot recall the way your chords vibrate,
Yet I can pick out your voice amongst the others.

Its timbre seared into my mind,
An iron to unconsenting flesh.

Like all the other, now useless, information.
The way your hair swoops to the side,
And how quietly you breathe.
The way that you pick at your lips,
Until they start to bleed.
And that fucking word.
Timbre.

The Tragedy of my Sweet Lady Lust | In Knots

Update: Edited some lines.

Posted Oct 20, 2022, 1:04 AM UTC · edited

59
eeihnam•

I think this was a captivating read, though I couldn't discern the ending personally. I'd like to know more, but overall I enjoyed reading this, and good work.

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aint_it_aaronicOP•

I think your difficulty reading this poem might be a point I need to address since I’m 2/2 in people who find it confusing 😅

For me this poem is about someone no longer in my life. I remember certain things about them and think about them too much for my own sake. It’s a weird mix between not wanting to think about them and not wanting to let go. I associate the word timbre with them a lot, so I’ve become a bit bitter/recluse to that word.

2
entangledrhyme•

Alright, the title 'Sing Me to Sleep' reminds me of lullabies, cradle softly rocking, a mother crooning to her newborn. Alternatively, maybe, a warm lazy afternoon, a hammock, and the speaker asking the chirping birds to sing them to sleep. On further reading, there are hints that maybe the reader is asking their beloved to sing them to sleep. Or perhaps still Sleep is a metaphor for death as suggested by L1 or vice versa. But, after reading the entire piece, I am just convinced this is a trick to remember a new word you found: timbre! Lol.

Ok, I have finally made up my mind this is about a person awaiting death and thinking about the people they loved in their life, hence, line L4. Out of all the people, the speaker yearns for one voice on their deathbed. The voice whose timbre is seared into their mind (L5). But, the 'it's' is confusing and makes me rethink of my interpretation. Continuing to L6, I am further thinking why the likeness of an iron seared to an unconsenting flesh. The line in itself is pretty, in fact, it's the prettiest line in the entire piece. But the metaphor eludes me — if the speaker yearns for this voice, the flesh and mind would lovingly remember its timbre. The last stanza further alludes to a loved one and of course that word - Timbre. The Anaphora of L8-l10 lends musicality to the piece but I feel it's a bit clichéd.

So overall I am finding this a bit confusing but I am a novice so what do I know? I would be very much interested to know if you agree or disagree with my critique (so that I can further improve at it) and look forward to discussing this piece further if you are interested. Thank you.

2
aint_it_aaronicOP•

Hi! Thanks for reading and your feedback!

I kept the piece a bit vague for interpretation and because it a bit more personal than I would like lol. However, I do appreciate your take on the piece! It give me a new view on it.

L1 was me trying to find a poetic way to just say sleep lol. I was trying to play at the fact that sleep is like that in between of living and being dead. Hence adjacent to death -> sleep. I don’t know how well this works 😅

Your interpretation of L4 was spot on. I do yearn for that voice. Also the “it’s” was a grammatical error lol. It is suppose to just be “its”. I was thinking in possessive terms.

L5 is where I understand some confusion to start. For me, this piece isn’t happy. It’s nostalgic but in a way that I want to not think about it anymore but my mind won’t let me. Hence, the feeling of being branded unconsentually. I do not want the feelings but alas, they are there.

I do agree that L8-10 is a bit cliché. I do want to make it more nuanced and specific but the words are escaping me at the moment lol.

The last two lines of the last stanza was just me stating to get upset at how much meaning the work timbre is associated to that person now

2
entangledrhyme•

Yeah, L1 works as sleep adjacent to death. I do get that point where the heart yearns for that person but the mind tells you that you need to let go. I am sorry you going through this phase.

2
Sailor-Grace•

UGH this actually made me super sad. Great job. I LOVE the line "iron to unconsenting flesh", it really shows how sudden and unwillingly this process happens. Don't change this. I'm saving it for later

2
aint_it_aaronicOP•

Complements from the u/Sailor-Grace? No way 😅

2
Sailor-Grace•

Oh stop it!! 😂

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