Crave intimacy but not interested in dating. Thinking of hiring a sex worker.

I am an 18 year old college freshman. I have borderline personality disorder so its pretty difficult for me to decipher between my sane thoughts.

I have always really craved intimacy but romance has never really came for me. I have never dated and dont date or talk to any guys at all pretty much 100% of the time. I am a fairly attractive girl and have used my appearance to garner social media followings but for some reason I simply cannot find anyone that I am interested in ever.

I have always had the idea of hiring a male escort for cuddling and sex because I dont want to have to get to know any guys or have to go the extra mile. I also dont want to feel used by a guy, so i feel like this is a good option for me especially if I can save some money. I feel pretty much no emotional connections to anyone even though I have friends I care about. I feel like some intimacy would make me a bit happier and unstable because I feel so isolated and alone constantly even though physically I am not and I have pretty much never experienced intimacy ever even with family.

Thoughts on this idea? I know this is pretty bizarre for a woman but I have accepted that I am just not like the majority of women.