My current struggle with Bipolar

Last week I posted that I needed help. I was on a brink of suicide and in shambles. I found some support in here and decided to check myself into a mental clinic. I would like to post updates about my recovery, to maybe help others, but to also really keep myself positive. I want to start by saying that the week in the hospital was probably the toughest week of my life. The in take process was especially hard. First I was examined in one mental hospital. That part was ok. Staff was really nice, and caring. They let me have a cigarette which was against their policy. The next step was to have a medical review at a local hospital. That was pure hell. I was there for about 18hrs. I was secluded to a small section, pretty much a corridor, where they kept high risk crazies. I tried to get some sleep, but then they started playing light jazz over the speakers. The music just drilled into my brain. I had no sleep, was crying periodically and overall insane. The nurses there paid little to no attention to us, and I had no one to talk to. They had to have a security guard in there as well. They were even worse. Most of them looked down at us, and treated us more like an inconvenience. Nothing to read, nothing to do, just stare at the walls, and perhaps pace around for a few hours. I had no updates about my situation until it was almost time for me to be moved to my treatment program. The clinic that I went to was a breath of fresh air. All the staff was super nice and helpful. They let me smoke as soon as I got in, and let me tell you, no cigarette tasted that good in my life. I was put into an acute care unit. There I met with a psychiatrist every day. After I told them the drug combination I was on previously, the doc informed me that this combination is known to cause mania. When I heard this I was floored. It was so frustrating to hear that. They changed my meds, and it was like night and day. I became clear headed, and my mania symptoms were going away. The until was somewhat strict. They had to check up on me every 15min, and we could only go out for smokes at designated times. They did not let us keep lighters or ciggs, and would hand them out when we went outside. But overall I liked it there. They had a piano I could play, and I met some other fellow crazies. After four days there, I was moved to a less strict unit. They needed a bed, and apperently they thought I was ready for the move. Im not quite sure they were right. It was hard to get accustomed to the new enviroment. The new unit focused more on addiction issues. They thought I was a good fit because I had addiction problems in my past. I felt a little cheated, as I wanted to work on bipolar rather then my addiction. For the first two days I made no friends. I just paced back and forth in the hallway, looking at the clock. It was getting pretty bad. I figured out a way to hang myself in my room. I even wrote a suicide note. I decided to call my friends and say good bye. However they gave me a little bit of hope that I desperately needed. I held on and made an attempt to make some friends. I ended up organizing a game of spades with three other loonies. We played and laughed and talked. It was really wonderful. For the rest of my time there we all played the game religiously, and kept each other sane. My meds worked better and better. Every day I got a little bit more clearer, and my depression got a little bit less. I just got out a day ago. It was such a relief to be out of there. My friend picked me up and I spend the day with him. Today I made a list of all the things that I needed to do, and did my best to complete them. I ended up going to an NA meeting, which was ridiculously hard to sit through, but I did it. Tomorrow I start my IOP, and I again made a list of all the things that I need to do. I am hopeful for the future. I never want to end up in this situation again. I need to make an effort to take care of myself, and see my warning signs. I will not be a statistic. I am bipolar but that does not mean I am doomed. I got through today, and I will get through tomorrow.