Billy Joel’s “you may be right” is a constant inspiration. Huge compliments all around, thanks :)

This sounds like a bad ass rock song imo. Makes me see joker hanging out the window too.

Lmfao as long as I get 5 stars ima drive how i want

Re name Uber driver, rework last two sentences.          /s...maybe.

It is an excellent poem. I could have provided the feedback without the rewrite. I'm glad you appreciate it. I love the metaphor of driving, watching on as a parent with no control is a strong lesson which many of us fail at.

Wait no, don’t be sorry!! I actually missed your comment but that’s what this sub is for. I wrote the poem pretty quickly so I realize there were probably some flow errors and am always looking for feedback to improve. Thank you! :)

I want to apologize. I've been in a really pushy mood for the past few days and have stomped on a lot of toes. I'm sorry for trying to take over your beautiful poem and force it to be one of mine. Not sure what's come over me but will try to move forward in a more respectful manor.

Really lovely poem. Nice expression of the parent child relationship. 

The poetry prediction portion of my brain wanted the ending to go like this:

but i had fun

i had fun

you disapproved 

you wagged your tongue 

I saw the world 

I lost my mind 

I came home

to you to find

a thirty year old child 

with a broken heart 

back in her mother's arms


And, then and but are usually unnecessary in a poem. A poem is like a bonsai, there is beauty in what you take away as much as in what you keep.

The last line of the first section reminds me of a line from a They Might Be Giants song:

Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

you clutch the door of the passenger side

saying your rosary under your breath 

your knuckles white 

as I weave through the chaos 

a manic grin on my face 

we navigate this life in our own ways 

each arriving where we don't want to be, anyway 

&amp;#x200B;

but i had fun, i had fun

while you disapproved 

and wagged your tongue 

i saw the world 

and lost my mind 

then came home to you 

a thirty year old child 

with a broken heart 

back in her mother's arms

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ydggkn/comment/its2eei/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yddtko/comment/its3dv4/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)