Heavy Water

I imagine swimming in heavy water
Feels no different than
A panic attack.

I was twenty when
I first saw a cloud chamber
And watched countless particles
Race through the mist.

I knew those particles
Would not care or stop
If they pierced right through me—

When my body goes numb,
Consumed by pins and needles,
I hum like a Geiger counter
And count each time
I am pierced.

They use heavy water to slow down
Neutrons. It helps the reaction
Be more efficient. They take it
and pour it into reactors
Where its only job is to slow down
everything that pierces it.

If you were to swim in it
I think it would feel like
Pins and needles
Coursing through you countless times
Until finally
You go numb.

December, 1997
New Moon (October 25th, 2022)