Lilly, Fractal Illusions of Memories

Why do gaze onto my mirror of my soul? Reflecting a shadow of what I long for, It strikes me, as I am but a caged sparrow longing to soar, The hands diving into my heart which appease others, the meek signs of what truly is mine, yet ceased to be is dissolved within my consciousness never spoken, Lilly, the awestruck I felt when I gazed upon your porcelain skin that was so radiant I felt my cheeks flush in a reddened glow, For these thought may be there, but I have to resist, the one supposedly I should love, I cannot be in bliss with, My backbone is weakened by this situation that was brought amongst myself, Why did I dare do this? Deceiving is a cowardly act, an illusion, a fractal of the mirror which frequently is shown, Not to him, for the sake of his heart I dare part with would delve into the deepest sorrows, Pulling out my spine and leave me paralyzed in fear for what’s to become, I don’t want to leave, but I have to, Even if romance wasn’t sought after along the lines of our time together, I will have to rip these pages and let them slowly distort themselves into a view I find myself more compelling to love, Why Lilly, can’t I be you? Can’t I be what I’ve always wanted? To bloom in the harsh conditions of regret and shame, and into the woman that should love the same? Why did I not take this path when I knew so? Did I go off the trail, just hoping it was true? To not have to deal with the turmoil that would fabricate itself off of who I should love? Why so feminine they’d ask and demand, why I cannot seek a masculines hand? Men are amusing, but I’m not amused, I twisted his heart and I’ve used, I am not proud of who I see refracted into glimmering pieces, For I’d have to leave someone who’d selflessly miss my lips amongst his, while I’ll selfishly miss the company I had resting with him, I was foolish to perpetuate this thought, staying with someone that I knew we’d fall a part. No one will hear or see these images I notice staring back at me, speaking the truth, I cannot let it be. Lilly am I confused? Will you respond back to me? Shall I remain silent? For a fear of silencing another’s heartstrings? Or do what I need and open my window to seek what’s in front of me?

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