Internalisation

i coulda sworn i felt you on my chest
shirtless, stupid on you, on me by you.
so deeply drunk on the promise of wholeness
and feeling found by what i think i want,
something soft, a firm warmth beneath the lack.
you left me lying there, mouth full of dregs.

i’m sure i feel her there, behind my eyes.
a likeness leaves me dour, she’s here again;
but sudden sober thoughts destroy the ghost
its even eagle-face so harsh to me
that no-faced nothing, her gold rimmed shadow.
my head is hurting, demons don’t exist!

they’re all there now, sitting beside my guts
names unknown, all muffled by bile and shit.
up viscous vomit surges, nostrils filled
with subtle sweetness, maybe worth a drink.
it grasps my glottis, clawing down my throat
a cycle started doesn’t stop, drunk again.

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