Yesterday, I decided to say hi to this girl I'm attracted to and interested in. Should I try to make s move next time?
[deleted]
Posted Nov 4, 2022, 1:25 AM UTC
316
Hey, bud. I'm glad you brought all this up! You're a very observant young man. I really appreciate your awareness of the situation when you noticed she was engrossed in her phone, you greeted her, and she didn't smile.
You ask several times if it's significant. What if the roles were reversed? If you were focused on something else and someone random greeted you when your mind was on something else, would you immediately smile at that person? What if what you were reading was really serious or upsetting, would you smile then? My point here is that at the very least, it sounds like you caught her when she was distracted.
As for next steps, I'd say try greeting her again when she's not distracted, and gauge her reaction then. No need for big romantic gestures when you don't even know if that's what she likes.
Hope this helps, buddy. This internet mom is proud of you, how you made a goal and stuck to it.
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[deleted]
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I think you're reading too much into a very brief, surprise encounter. She may have a relationship with the professor where a smile and a wave is standard for them and you're (so it seems from here anyway) someone she hasn't had much interaction with so has zero expectations of you. Which is fine.
Honestly- as I've gotten older I've realized that the games and trying to guess what another person is thinking just exhausting- and also almost always incorrect. I vote you walk up to her, when she's sitting somewhere or you can walk with her- don't take her totally by surprise, and just say "Hey, I'm OP. I've noticed you around the last couple of weeks- want to grab a coffee after class?"
1
Get her a rose and attach a small note with your phone number on it and write something cute like, "I'd really like to get to know you". Pass it to her as you pass her in the hall. But please remember that if she denys you that you must stop pursuing her. It never hurts to try though.
-5
I dunno. Someone I don't really know buys me a rose out of the blue, I read that as creepy and obsessive. Now on the off chance that she's been interested and too shy to say something, maybe that works. Otherwise, I think it reads as weird, personally. I think I'd lean more toward a few more casual hi/wave encounters, and if she seems receptive move on to "hey, you want to grab coffee sometime?"
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Hey so I just ran into her again earlier, idk I may just go with not interested but please tell me what you think. I was walked in the cafe area, I saw heating something up in the microwave and I initially pretended I didn't see her and went to the vending machine but on my way out I figured to wave again. She was looking near my direction and as I was walking out, I waved to her she didn't look at me and I subtly waved again, this time she looked and smiled and quickly waved back and looked away, but I kinda got the feeling this was more out of politeness. She didn't look annoyed or anything but idk. I think I made my interest pretty clear, but I'll just leave the ball in her court, if she wants to initiate a greeting I'll go from there, but now I'm thinking I'll just back off. I don't want to feel like I'm harassing anyone. Would you agree with this?
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It's pretty hard to make a connection with someone you just pass in the hall a lot and don't have any other obvious shared interests or anything. It's hard to tell whether she would be interested from her reaction to a few waves, and it's impossible to tell second hand from your description. Sorry, not sure I can help much more.
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Gotcha, I understand thanks anyway.
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How is that creepy and obsessive? No wonder chivalry is dead. Women are so unapproachable these days.
-4
This isn't a "these days" thing -- I'm married 30+ years. But a random stranger I'd passed in the hall but never spoken to handing me a rose would have made me very uncomfortable when I was single. Perhaps I'm in the minority, as I am also pretty shy. I would have rather that they just come up and talk to me, or get a mutual acquaintance to introduce us or something. Somehow buying me something feels awkward.
6
Honestly it’s just kind of corny and creates a really awkward pressure on her if she’s unavailable or uninterested. If it’s done publicly it’s also potentially embarrassing for him. She doesn’t know if he would hold her responsible for those feelings. That’s why bigger gestures, like gifts, should be saved for when you know the person better
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Hey so I just ran into her again earlier, idk I may just go with not interested but please tell me what you think. I was walked in the cafe area, I saw heating something up in the microwave and I initially pretended I didn't see her and went to the vending machine but on my way out I figured to wave again. She was looking near my direction and as I was walking out, I waved to her she didn't look at me and I subtly waved again, this time she looked and smiled and quickly waved back and looked away, but I kinda got the feeling this was more out of politeness. She didn't look annoyed or anything but idk. I think I made my interest pretty clear, but I'll just leave the ball in her court, if she wants to initiate a greeting I'll go from there, but now I'm thinking I'll just back off. I don't want to feel like I'm harassing anyone. Would you agree with this?
2
When you have a chance just say hi! I keep seeing you around and just wanted to say hi - what’s up. I’m environmental-kale85…continue there
Yeah maybe, I just really don't want to be a creeper. You don't think the quick wave and quick smile and looking away was her way of saying " ok I hope this guy gets the hint that I'm not interested "? I just don't want to push it and cause an embarrassing situation.
She’s likely not even thinking about it in that context or doesn’t know if you say hi because you’re a very friendly person or for another reason. Striking up a conversation is the only way to open up and see if you even have anything to talk about! Think about it more like making a new friend and then maybe gauge from there
Creep flags get raised for things that violate boundaries - commenting on someone’s body, coming into someone’s space without permission, following them, messaging non stop etc. These are signs of a person that may not be secure enough to handle rejection without becoming inappropriate.
Getting quick hi from people are just random student things - nothing more and nothing less. She knows nothing about you and vice versa. She could just be an introvert or just say hi back to be polite or thought you thought you were saying hi to another person that could look like her. If she got creeper vibes she would immediately ignore or avoid you. Best course of action is a simple conversation start (hi, i keep seeing u around my name’s … what’s urs? Awesome what do u major in?…Hope to see u around more!) or mutual friend to introduce you two.