Am I the A-hole?
[deleted]
Posted Nov 4, 2022, 1:27 AM UTC
212
Am I being unreasonable in feeling betrayed because he did this without mentioning it to me?
Yeah. He may just be curious or unsure what he wants. And why can't he lay for a dating app without permission. How much did it cost? Do you run every expense past each other?
4
The dating site has a free option. There was no need to pay for a membership to just “browse”.
-1
You need a paid membership to see who liked and you perhaps satisfy some curious about what's out there.
And why can't he lay for a dating app without permission. How much did it cost? Do you run every expense past each other? If he spent this amount on lunch without asking would it be an issue? Do you spend money dating?
3
So? How much is it, like $20? Do y’all never spend money on fun things for yourselves as individuals?
2
What does your dating budget look like?
3
Yes you’re being unreasonable.
If he goes on a date and doesn’t tell you? That would be behind your back.
Is it about the money? Have you spent no money on dates so far?
3
How is it behind your back? You’re in an open relationship.
Why would he need to tell you what websites he goes on or who he texts?
2
Yes, you definitely are. From what you wrote, it’s pretty clear that you wanted to open the relationship to fit your needs more than his. So unless your mutual agreement actually required him to seek your permission to join a dating app, it looks like you’ve brought whatever angst this is causing you upon yourself…
2
ESH.
You guys agreed to open up and to date. You should expect that he do that.
However, if he told you he doesn't want to date and then immediately went and signed up for dating sites.... that does look kind of like he's sneaking around. He should have communicated with you better.
He may just be trying to see what the options are right now, and hopefully was going to tell you if he decided to pursue it more seriously. But talk to him. I think, let him know that you support him dating but just want to know about it.
0
I think, let him know that you support him dating but just want to know about it.
He isn't dating yet
1
I didn't say he was, just that she should remind him that she supports him being able to.
1
You agreed to each having secondary partners, using dating sites is often a part of looking for a secondary partner. Doesn't sound like he did anything wrong other than not informing you of all the steps he was taking.