Flooded with sadness.

Today I was overwhelmed with a deep grooming sadness right after waking up. Firstly I thought it was an innocent melancholic feeling caused by the colder temperatures, something I usually feel. But it was – it is consuming myself. Just had a bad thought or two, but nothing too serious. I’m on the right meds since being diagnosed, around a year ago. Yet I feel it coming, and I want to violently vent it out, but I’m too oppressed to even write about it. I’m feeling somehow exposed, failing and falling. Getting older, not wiser, unemployed and maybe, who knows, losing the tenderness I once had. Dealing with a lot, but I think it’s not enough. There’s worse out there. Afraid of being rude and perhaps hurt someone’s feeling, I just want to cuddle inside a cave and stay in the cold looking at the magnificence of the nothing. Nothing, just like me, my existence, my thoughts, my acts. It will fade.

I hope you, the one who’s reading this, is having a better day. I hope your life is filled with joy, love and peace. Thanks for reaching out here and the patience. And I’m sorry.