good few months and then this week happened

I hadn’t had any bad months in awhile. My birth control helps a lot with my pmdd symptoms. However, occasion a bad month will appear with pmdd symptoms in tow, usually accompanied by a heavy and painful period as well. It’s like payback for the good months I have.

Anyways that bad month was this one. In particular, this week. I have an amazing partner who is super understanding and supportive. We rarely ever get into disagreements. However on Monday we did bicker over some thing and I ended up being mean to him. I ended up sobbing in his arms, begging for forgiveness. We made up because like I said he’s understanding. Along with PMDD, I have bad anxiety so both of these can sometimes affect how I am in our relationship. Well today, I didn’t hear from him all day because he was asleep (works night shift). I basically blew his phone up and finally woke him up. I just know that he is annoyed with me for my actions this week, especially today. I don’t want to keep texting him or bothering him. When we did talk him and he didn’t say he was mad but I just know he’s irritated. I can’t see him tonight because I work in the morning and we don’t live together. I’m just crying and I feel so alone. I feel like I’m going to mess up my relationship, like that I am self sabotaging. I am crying so hard I have to use voice to text because I can’t type.

Every other guy I’ve been with has said I’m too sensitive or too much or too clingy or been mean when I’ve had pmdd symptoms, given I wasn’t diagnosed with them but it wouldn’t of changed their ways. Now I finally have a good one and I am so scared I’m going to ruin it, even though he swears he’s not going anywhere.