To me, it sounds like her sponsor isn’t effective. They should reframe the program in ways which people working the steps can digest. If that isn’t the case, she should go sponsor shopping.

I will say there avid fans of AA/NA and the like for good reason; for them, it saved their lives. Unfortunately it can also come off a bit intense and scares newcomers away.

My approach has been finding a sponsor I get along with who understands the alcoholic/addict within while simultaneously helping me discover who I am sober. Another method I use is attending womens-only meetings. I “sampled” a ton of them and went back to ones I felt most comfortable, understood, etc. Finally, I like to hop in on Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meetings, Al-Anon meetings, and Emotions Anonymous meetings. They just help to broaden my scope and understanding of myself and the disease.

I say all this but ultimately, if a 12 step isn’t working for her she can try Refuge Recovery or SMART too.

For reference I 

That is like joining a running club when you don't run because you want to meet people who get out of the house.  I mean, yes, you will meet people who are sober in AA.  But is that really the only thing they have in common?

She joined it to make sober friends, primarily but I do see what you mean.

>Anyways, the people at her program keep telling her she will never be happy unless she completes the 12 steps and truthfully, the only reason she is even going to this program is so she can make sober friends bc she has found it hard to make friends since she’s been sober.

Well, that is true so far as I know.  I wouldn't phrase it that way, but I would say that the point of a recovery program is to unearth the reasons for addiction and have a plant to deal with them.  Why would someone join a twelve step program and not actually utilize the steps? You see what I mean?  

That said, there is an issue of language.  No one is doomed to relapse, but it is a fact that most people do not get sober on their first try and, very often, because they do not connect to a recovery community or other long term treatment.

AA and NA are not the only kids on the block though  If it isn't a fit, I can relate.  I use non 12 step programs.  But, in my experience, no one gets better without doing some s

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