And she had to *apologize* for saying it would be nice if he did the bare minimum for her himself.

This guy has her well-trained to feel guilty for asking for literally anything from him. He likely doesn't actually care about the coffee, it's just a convenient tool to make her feel like she's always having to make amends for something.

Your boyfriend is mad because someone bought you coffee 2 years ago. 

He has issues.

Your bf is being an utter ass over an inconsequential incident that didn't even mean the guy was interested in you. People buy coffee for other people all the time, even people of the opposite sex, and it doesn't mean anything.

There was also nothing wrong with you pointing out it would be nice if your bf showed you at least as much consideration. The only possible thing you might have done "wrong" was how you expressed that, but people can't be expected to always express things politely when they're being attacked.

Asking someone (your boyfriend, no less!) to treat you nicely is not a “mistake.” A mistake would be staying with someone who thinks that being asked to be nicer to his girlfriend is the equivalent of being cheated on.

You deserve so much better. Ditch this loser and ask out your coworker.

Your great sin is that you thought it might be nice if he did nice things for you? Am I reading that right?

You didn’t cheat, emotionally or physically? You didn’t harm him? Or lie to him? Or steal from him? You told him it would be nice if he got you a coffee sometimes, and he’s been tormenting you with that for five years? To the point where it is his primary knife in any argument you have?

Girl… please respect yourself enough to know you deserve better. You did know that once, and he’s never stopped using that against you. Don’t give him another 5 years.

I honestly don’t even see why you apologized to him to start with. He was making fun of someone doing something nice and you called him out on his rude behavior. This hurt his little ego and now he’s being an ass and trying to guilt-trip you for it every chance he gets. Tell him to grow up and get over it. If he chooses not to, then you will have to decide if you want to keep dealing with his childish BS

Raise your standards and dump your asshole boyfriend. He's got you so twisted up you think you did something wrong by telling him it'd be nice if he would actually act like he cares about you sometimes.

Your boyfriend is a crybaby over some coffee thing.   He needs to grow up.

While you can maybe apologise for the tone you delivered it with, the actual sentiment of what you said was true. There he was mocking a guy for taking a shot while being a mediocre partner himself. And for him to bring up the time you called him out even years after it is honestly pretty sad and suggests to me the real hangup is that he worries you liked that workmate. 

Communication has to occur. You have to be straight with him about this, that you no longer can tolerate that incident thrown in your face and that he is alienating you every time he does so. It wasn't fare that he held it against you in the first place let alone so long after.

He’s manipulating you over an innocent cup of coffee, does he always play the victim? This is not healthy and not normal.

Your real mistake was apologizing. You were 100% right and your partners insecurities are not your responsibility. It's great if you want to try to help be sensitive of them and help him grow beyond them. However apologizing just reinforces a terrible behavior of his. Now he is using what sounds like it may be his only weapon to gaslight you into guilt whenever something comes up that he has no answer for. 

This is all extremely disturbing behavior to be honest. You should really consider sternly bringing all of that up and informing him that his behavior was far worse than yours in that scenario and maybe he should reconsider making a fool of himself trying to manipulate you with it.

Its never fair to bring up issues that have previously been discussed and sorted. What does he expect you to do? Go back in time and not say it? It’s done. It wasnt even an incident i would think for more than a second about. He needs to let it go and if you want to try and work it out you need to tell him this issue needs to be put to bed and not brought up anymore. Its not fair to you and its so minor its not even worth rehashing - for years no less.

A preaching manipulator

In your place, I would give him a hard time... he is asking for much worse

Get out before this guy gets any worse.

Seriously OP this guy has already shown you AGAIN AND AGAIN that he isn't going to take criticism well what are you hoping is going to happen as this relationship goes out?

With all due respect,  I think it's way deeper than it's being said.

There is definitely some reason why he resorts to such behavior. Even if it is manipulative, it is happening for a reason. I'm not saying this behavior is at all good but generally such behavior manifests because people are unable to deal with themselves and the emotions they are going through. No one wants to be manipulative if you ask them but they cant help it. Either we can help them grow (which is a nerve wrecking task and one shouldnt be responsible for someones growth to an extent that they have to sacrifice their own stability) or understand that their behavior is something out of our ability to deal with and leave them be.

>dealing with the fear and stuff

You can't attribute him bringing up the SAME argument each time to "dealing with the fear and stuff." At this point, he's purposely using it to try and win arguments. This is insane and manipulative.

OP, please love yourself more than this. You seem like a kind person who deserves the best and to not endure constant and repeated arguments based on something so trivial and ancient.

I'm glad to know that girls like you exist. Your bf needs to deal with his share of crap.

You literally did the best i can think of.

If you had cheated, hypothetically, then he'd be saying if you had acted like the way you actually did, it would have been so much nicer. Some people let their insecurites flare up at anything.

Anyway, just know that your bf isn't equipped to deal with this situation and his responses are his way of dealing with the fear and stuff. He needs to work on it sincerely and not resort to such unproductive tactics and avoid addressing the main issue. Himself.

Wtf? You literally did nothing. Your boyfriend is an absolute ass. You asked him to put in a tiny bit of effort and he hangs it over you for 2 years? How fucking manipulative can you get, I can't believe some women put up with suit like this

He has already lied and treated you like shit. But as you stated, you allowed it to continue so you could just be with him. He throws this coffee bullshit at you during arguments because you broke down and apologized for something you didn't need to be sorry about. This way, he can break you down further you will allow him to continue his shitty behavior. 

I think you already know what to do. I certainly hope you listen to your gut and kick him to the curb. You deserve better than this.

My bf is hung up on my past mistake, what do I do?