I met with my ex and it felt just sad

I was looking forward spending time with my ex who happens to also be on the spectrum. He broke off before I got diagnosed and after the diagnose I got to understand an awful lot about myself and about him as well. When we were together he was very much in denial of him being on the spectrum. So that’s how it went wrong; him denying, me believing him and not reading about it.

I thought he would have changed by now. As he went to get my diagnose results with me and he was telling me how his family just didn’t think much of it and continued with life like it didn’t happen. I believed my diagnosis would have opened his world in a way to acknowledge himself and learn about his “disorder”.

In his absence I was thinking about him often, putting the pieces together of how things went wrong and how self acceptance is the beginning of a healthy relationship with yourself. I was imagining him being on the same path of self discovery and I often thought of him as ‘he would understand’ my specific autism related situations.

Going to meet him after more than a half year of no contact I was hoping we would connect on our similarities, the struggles and the fact that I understand him, as we lived together for over a year, I knew where his traits were visible.

Unfortunately it didn’t go well. Unfortunately he is still not interested in accepting or learning or doing anything with the autism spectrum diagnose. He just doesn’t care he says, and I told him that for me it helped me tremendously setting healthy boundaries and understanding my limitations in life. He just looks at me like I’m on the spectrum and he isn’t. It just felt awful to have so little to connect with him. I really looked forward to talking with him and it just felt like he wasn’t growing or getting to know himself and was still stuck somewhere between ‘keeping himself busy’ and ‘believing our relationship ended nicely or that he didn’t do anything wrong towards me’.

I’m just not interested anymore in this relationship / friendship. I don’t like people who lie to themselves. It’s exhausting and he still kept gaslighting me thinking he knows everything better because his brain can do stuff mine can’t do anymore (like calculations and remembering an awful lot.) so there is just no contradicting him. I’ve had it. And it was a nice reminder to why things will never work out with us anymore. Every thing I say he twists into literal meaning and when I do that he twists it to something else. Like, I can never win and I got remanded to why I started just believing I was wrong all the time.

Tl;dr me and my ex boyfriend are on the spectrum. I got diagnosed after breaking up. I accepted my diagnose and thought he would also start accepting his. He still doesn’t. It felt like an insult and quite hurtful to have a potential connection with someone I know so well about something we have in common but he just denies it and now I just can’t see the point in staying friends.