things i have put inside my vagina.
Things I have put inside my vagina
i think the guilt trip of voyeurism was too much for me
that it lead me to put a finger; making it the first object
ever been inside me. I took it deep down till I feel the ending
both, of me and vagina (now that we call as cervix) and I just wish
that the finger I had put was mine because even though
it was attached with my body it wasn’t my damn will
to shove it inside me
im glad I never mistook my vagina as my asshole because
the next thing was a fucking pen shaded in blue
which I smelled afterward and the fact that
I don’t know the word vagina at that time
I always knew that this thing, this bitch
Is as stinky as my poop
(maybe that’s the reason they are near each other?)
I don’t remember how many objects I have put ever since then
And appnarently my craving for a thick dick was near impossible
but my uncle made it true. Yes he did.
Because he knew that the most I can do is to write a poem about it
As he will be gone by that time I will discover what exactly happened
Maybe it was the reason why I had made myself away from dicks
but my will to feel something didn’t go away and its crazy
its crazy how my Indian parents can buy me a car
or gift their land and generation wealth to me
but a dildo or a vibrator is just something too much to ask
so I put my phone on vibration and put in on my vulva
lay down and thought that damn,
im such a broken whore.
Anyway so god listened to me and give me a boyfriend whos probably a kind of ‘nice guy’
a kind of a guy whom you can trauma dump on when youre on your periods
a kind of a guy who takes feminism as his personality trait
a kind of a guy who wants to fuck patriarchy only to get laid
the funny thing is that his fingers were worst than the vibrator I made out of my phone
and his dick slower than that old man who raped me
he still couldn’t bother to consider my no. he called me a pussy for that
being inside a pussy itself and that day I learnt something
but I don’t remember
they say that mind is just blocking out the traumatic memories
but honestly it is just funny
that how my vagina took so much in it
like the shame of carrying it
the struggle of the razor shaving near it
my mom lectures about how to close my legs
my gynaecologist blaming it that how I
shouldn’t just fuck too much
the blame of how something that is inside me and hides in my panties
is a reason im provoking boys to grow up as sex offenders
or my own guilt
my own hate towards it
that how fucked up I have been (in every way)
I have never been fucked in the way I want and even if, I will, by chance
I will just..just never feel whole
or complete
or maybe I should just
be happy with what I started with; my fingers.
It was fictional.
Posted Nov 4, 2022, 9:30 AM UTC · edited