Feeling Guilty After Flashback

I dont know what happened except it was flashback - the past 6 months after my car accident in May where I was tboned from my blind-side I have been spiraling in and out of deep depressions and loneliness since im single. Before the accident I was firing on all cylinders from the beginning of 2022 - best shape of my life, feeling grounded, working on my cortisol rushes - i was hitting the gas pedal in life and feeling good...until I got hit...HARD - car totaled - chiro for months. I say its a flashback because my father use to "hit" me with harsh criticism and emotional neglect even though I tried to be perfect for him and being in that bad car accident took me back to that feeling of helplessness and devastation to something hurting me when i was trying so HARD to do the right thing - and I remember when my car was spinning around thinking to myself " I must have done something wrong to deserve this..."

I've always been hard on myself, trying to never offend people or God out of fear of getting in trouble. I was doing so well but for some reason not good enough to be "protected" from this accident. I've stopped working out, abusing weed, bad eating habits, just wanting to escape the guilt of not "being strong" after my accident and turning anger on myself for "another failure"- deep down I believe I caused this . Im being really hard on myself i know.

Can anyone relate to spiraling into depression and self loathing after a flashback because of a strict upbringing that I had - where i only felt safe unless i was doing everything right - I really want to climb out of this -