Source
r/offmychest•
PaymentPositive8330

My boyfriend SA my best friend

NSFW

I don’t even know what to say or how to feel.

My best friend (21F) just came over and said she can’t hide this from me anymore. She’s been texting my now ex bf (22M) for a month now and they have been sexting constantly. She finally decided to go over to his apartment but according to her it got out of hand and he would not stop even after she said the safe word. I felt so numb while she told me this. I kicked her out of my house and blocked them both everywhere. My ex got in contact with me somehow and denied everything. I didn’t believe him so I blocked him. I am at lost for words. Idk what to do or how to move on from this. Never would I have thought they would do this to me.

Posted Nov 5, 2022, 7:28 PM UTC

29063
derpmcsterp•

Sounds like your life would be better off without either of them. They clearly have no respect for you.

And never to make light of sexual assault. But it's not your problem. It's not your responsibility to deal with it. She certainly didn't treat you like a friend. Don't get sucked into this.

289
[deleted]•

[deleted]

194
Dosed123•

Completely with you on this one. Imagine - she kept this secret, until she felt wounded because it was an assault and then she ASKS FOR HELP from the OP!!! OMG. The nerve people have.

26
eri5012•

Don’t get me wrong I hope she does get help for sure. It is never ever okay to assault someone and every assault victim deserves professional help but don’t go to the friend asking for it when you were sleeping willingly with her boyfriend. Go to someone else

4
Dosed123•

Exactly.

1
lokimorgan•

She sounds like a shit friend to me too. What bothers me is when you say if he did SA her. Let’s not doubt what her friend said happened. He did SA her. That doesn’t mean I’m standing up for her behavior but let’s not doubt the victim of SA.

2
eri5012•

This is true I never want to make someone feel like they are a liar. Everyone should feel safe telling their story she just chose the wrong person to tell it too for obvious reasons but yes I don’t want to make someone who opens up about something so terrible fele like they don’t have a safe place to open up too

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
Circuitarity•

Would you consider the possibility of your best friend lying to make you dump him because she wants to get with him or more likely just dislikes him?

The above becomes more believable if you have never had/needed a safe word with your boyfriend. Most abusers build up over time so have you in your relationship with your boyfriend ever felt like he was pushing your limits in some way?

I could be totally off since I don't know any of you in real life but these are questions you should consider before you burn all connections. You may just want to stay where you're at in regards to this relationship even if you decide he may have been honest if all it took was 5 minutes to make you believe he could be so bad.

100
kingmagnon•

I can see her friend falling for her boyfriend after sex, and then coming to her with a story about it being nonsensenal in order to make her hate her boyfriend and give sympathy to her friend.

Regardless… both of their intentions were sexual and they lied to her for a long period of time. It’s not really her issue to sort out at this point.

38
Circuitarity•

Perhaps I was unclear in my phrasing or perhaps I missed the part where the boyfriend said "I totally banged her but it was all consensual" in which case everyone can disregard the following:

Perhaps OPs friend lied about everything including the sex which OP has only the friends word on unless the boyfriend has something distinctive in the area of his junk that the friend was able to describe accurately enough for OP to completely know the boyfriend and friend had sex.

Either way if OP feels that she can't trust her now ex-boyfriend to not do something like this then breaking up was a wise choice. I wish OP all the best moving forward and hope she can find a loving and trustable partner in her next relationship.

2
PaymentPositive8330OP•

To answer everyone’s questions, she did say she’ll show me the text messages but I didn’t want to see because I was so disgusted and angry at the time. I cannot imagine my ex ever doing that to anyone(SA) but it honestly doesn’t even matter because he did cheat on me with my best friend

18
thecheekymonkey•

I think it's already established her friend has no problems lying and being deceitful. Again , non of this is now OPs problem.

4
UnknownStan•

This is bs your “friend” just felt so guilty that she figured lieing about it being SA would somehow absolve her behaviour. Both need to be gone from your life.

82
biscayne57•

The only thing I agree w is the final sentence.

22
miasmum01•

I'm confused .. he was your bf at the time?? X

80
PaymentPositive8330OP•

Yes

47
miasmum01•

Aww .. u did the right thing .. its not your problem now .. did she seriously think after she went to him .. u were gonna comfort her? I mean come on !!! .. I wouldn't do that .. ud have 2 be a Saint 2 ! Xx

47
JaxDax12•

I don't believe the best friend. I don't want to call a possible SA a liar, but there is no way to know if this girl is telling the truth. She has been lying to you for over a month, planning on hurting you. If she loved you, she wouldn't have done this.

However, did she show you the text messages? Is it possible that she lied about the entire thing? Normally, I would say trust SA victims, but not in this case.

69
Aggressive-Pen4277•

So for beginners I don't trust anyone. So without anymore proof than her just telling you...

59
Sea-Tea-4130•

I’m not sure why you’d trust the ex bestie. How do you know she’s being truthful about the texting or what happened? How did you decide your ex bf was lying to you?

35
TheHatOnTheCat•

Did you see the text messages?

29
Weary_Molasses_4050•

This is the real question.

8
Cool-Internal8601•

As others have stated, the SA was most likely a lie after they screwed one another, and her guilt got to her. A real SA would have been reported to the police. Better to be the victim than the prop that helped him cheat on her friend.

Let them have each other. They deserve it. You are free of them both.

10
bootsnrats•

“Real SA” usually goes unreported, otherwise agree with this comment.

13
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
FaerieDustLove•

Sexting each other behind your back was so disrespectful of the both of them. I would instruct her to contact police and get therapy because if what she’s saying is true she will need it. I would also cut them both of because there’s a chance that she’s painted herself as a victim to get this off her chest. Not saying that’s the case but it’s not unheard of

9
zzzidkwhattoputhere•

She could just be lying. Unless you have proof she could’ve black mailed him.

9
ChuckYeahFarley•

Don’t you mean your “ex” boyfriend?…

8
bettyboop_obsessed•

Yeah it said "my now ex boyfriend"

7
NapClub•

i'm sorry someone did this to you and your friend.

you deserve better, i am sure you will find someone better.

it's so hurtful when the people around you betray you, can be really hard to get over.

if you are able it would be a good idea to get therapy.

5
Fearless_Tip5316•

Get proof, you never know who to believe

3
starx9•

Simply keep them both blocked to save yourself. You are too young to deal with this disordered situation. Block l grieve and move on

3
what_do_I_know_50•

This is easier for me to say and harder to do.

Remember he is your ex for a reason, remember that reason. So be thankful that he is not part of your life. What he does is not any of your business. He doesn't deserve a second thought.

As for your friend (ex friend now) you do not need her in your life. Not trustworthy. They deserve each other. The pain you feel is the betrayal of trust.

You are able to trust, they are not trustworthy. The break of trust is not your inability to trust but their inability to be trusted.
Do not carry that feeling into your next relationship as you will destroy it.

My concern is not what they did but what happens to you. Let the betrayal behind. Give a 100% trust till they fail. Not everyone behavior is like that. Do not blame you next partner for what they did.

Do not shed tears for people that do not deserve your friendship.

I been there 3X it took me a while to realize that what my ex partners did was not a reflection of me. It is about their character and who they are, they might do it again or learn either way is not any of my business. One of my exes cheated before me and will continue after me. Once I'm done with you I'm done no turning back. I wish someone would have said this to me, too many waisted tears and time. Karma

3
Spookie_Kookie•

Did she show you the texts between her and your ex? If she isn’t lying about the SA find out if she filed a police report and that way you can file a restraining order towards your ex too. You don’t need either of them keep the no contact.

2
Acrobatic-Brush-1640•

Don’t believe him. He probably has a history crossing boundaries. I wouldn’t let her back in to your life either. It’s not your job to heal her.

2
Win-Objective•

Your ex raped your best friend? That’s what I took away from all that.

2