Source
r/OCPoetry•
mfrench105

Now it's yours

Poem

Once I give it to you.

Do as you like.

Throwing it in the trash right off,

is an option.

Or perhaps stop and smell.

Some people actually do that.

​

Turn it over in your hand.

Careful,

it might have a sharp edge.

But then, a little blood loss

might be just what you are in the market for.

​

Taste?....maybe, if that's something you're into.

I'm not the type to judge.

​

Hold it up to the light.

Look through it

and see if the perspective changes.

​

I suggest a good solid squeeze.

See if it makes a noise.

Toss it around.

Set it on fire.

​

Yes, you can change it, mold it on a whim.

Find if it fits, keeps the rain out.

Put in a drawer...forget it exists.

Give it a brisk shake and see what comes to the surface.

​

You see, once I give it to you, it's a thing.

It's yours to use, or abuse.

Love, hate...

Not give a tinker's damn.

Your choice.

That is the way of things given to you.

​

​

+++++++

Search into the depths of Things: there, irony never descends —

Rilke

​

​

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Posted Nov 8, 2022, 1:39 AM UTC

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1
Sailor-Grace•

I really enjoyed this poem!!! You use really great imagery, and I love how you tied it with the senses as a means of exploring what has been given! I also really love the humor you bring into this poem with

Or perhaps stop and smell.
Some people actually do that.

And:

Taste?....maybe, if that's something you're into.
I'm not the type to judge.

The whole time this poem had me questioning "what on earth was given?" and I think that was the intention of the poem - to convey curiosity and interacting with this piece to figure it out. Really well done!

In the following stanza, I feel like I got lost in grammatical errors a little bit, or perhaps just inconsistency. I added some words to make sense of it, but I'm not sure it conveys what you were intending. Just thoughts!

Yes, you can change it, mold it on a whim.
Find if it fits, it keeps the rain out.
Put it in a drawer...forget it exists.
Give it a brisk shake and see what comes to the surface.

1
mfrench105OP•

that was much like the original. I went back and took out a few ...it...s, where it could be done...

Funny. My wife did much the same thing...wondering what "it" was. And actually "it" is anything given...this poem, the idea of "it", would be an example.

Blame Rilke for the style and the movement, plus the idea that something, once created, takes on a life of its own.

Always a pleasure to get feedback

3
Moonpoetry•

I love the descriptiveness of this poem which kept me engaged as I was reading but I am unable to decipher what it is you are “giving”. Perhaps that’s the intention and you hoped the reader would fill in the blank with an object of their choosing. I do like that idea because it certainly got me engaged and thinking with the poem of what “thing” I would give away. Interesting poem I would love to see how others interpret it.

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Honeskill•

This was really good. It has a lot of personality, and the message is conveyed really well. I kept waiting for it to get specific on what was being given, but the broad scope is the point, and I appreciated that by the end.

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Lumiere_de_hibou•

what ever "it" is, it'll change you if you let it i presume, it could also be meaningless, which is the message of this thing. it works for some, some others it hurts, perhaps the message or things such as it is, is made of of many things, all invisible to the wrong person.

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