Love!! Wow. Amazing. What a way to use this metaphor. What a way to drive a point home and twist the standard dogma. Really, really good! Thanks for sharing.

JAAJAJA Stop it or else I'll believe you! Thank you

Holy hell! It is so much better with those extra lines! Wonderful stuff!!!

I just edited it! Do you still think the same? Jajaja

This is extremely well written! The first four lines of the poem makes every reader want to know more. I love how you bring the religious aspect into the poem and end on a real high note. Beautiful work, keep writing!

Oh wow, this is the most detailed comment I've ever had. I really appreciate you taking the time to write it, I feel seen, you understood my intention with every single verse. Thank you

This like the apostatic Song of Songs, it's amazing!

The question proposed in the first three lines was perfect for setting the subject; instill doubt in the reader's disposition -- whether the God that declares what is holy is the true God -- and to instill temptation to reveal the narrator's seductive intentions, which had apparently been realized, since next two lines elicit the reader already having been seduced for sex.

Seems like the narrator is a temptress only seeking the ones that follow, or at least recognize, the God of Israel, with nebulous purposes on her part (and I say "her" because she refers to herself as a woman in the antepenultimate line) -- does she seduce such people for the sake of her own blessing, or tarnishing theirs? 

This poem does a superb job in employing eroticism, which seems to be the defining character trait of the narrator -- it starts with her asking questions about the God she and the reader recognize, the final one being, "Is God not a sin", yet

I can find no criticism. Just really want to express how wonderful this felt to read. Very balanced, wonderful word choice. Certainly a well-rounded poem. Looking forward to more from you!

Words can not explain my absolute adoration for this…very well written!

“Is it not pious to fuck like this?” Lovveeeeee great piece with a sharp and fiesty tone I can relate to!

this is genuinely so beautifully written. a well picked subject and every line leaves you wanting more. i love it

God I LOVE when religious symbolism is used in unholy ways like this. Amazing. 🖤

Maybe technically, but I don't think anyone can truly master poetry. One's poem can only be completely understood and felt by themselves :)

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback since you're a professional from what I can see

I really like the direct and indirect references. Reminds me of one of my poems.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Address me as Mary