i can’t fucking do this anymore

i don’t know what to do with myself right now. i sent a tiktok to a groupchat i’m in with a couple of my friends and the guy i like talking about how pretty the girl in it was and how it would be amazing to look like her. im on the fat side, but wasn’t even talking about what she looked like size wise, was just admiring her. i don’t even know what happened everyone in it started replying to me with stuff like “ then do it if you want to look like her” and “stop sitting around looking at her and do something about it” i guess they assumed that i was talking about size and features and stuff but i just really thought she was pretty. the guy i liked said what hurt the most tho. i don’t feel like going into detail with that. i talk about my issues with myself to them but ive never gone into detail about it, but something about this just made me snap. i have disordered eating, i binge i starve over and over and that’s why i look the way i do now. cus i always binge harder and harder. i sent this huge dramatic message about how i’ve tried all of these and i just fall back into old habits. they left me on read and no one has chatted since. i don’t know why i did that. the guy i like has always listened to me and what i’ve gone through, and this really stung. i just want to be good enough for someone