Mixed Emotions and Double Meanings

I sometimes wonder if you've grown tired,

Love for me but now expired.

You hurt me in so many ways,

So I've been berated as your care decays.

Much of you has changed,

You cause me to feel deranged.

Make my life a living hell,

Me, already trapped in my own cell.

So what if my heart is hurting,

Happy is a delusion that you keep exerting.

Hug me with your meaningless care.

My soul can no longer repair.

Body, mind, blood, and bone broke,

And my gaze is covered with smoke.

Care isn't care, but carefulness is key,

For all that spews from you is false guarantee.

My instinct knows something abrew but my

Feelings cover my eyes from its own view.

Please, just let me die with you.

Edit - Format issue

(For the double meaning - read the first word of every line)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ys5gh7/the_rot/iw0ugix?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ysj7mm/addicted_to_two/iw0uuk4?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3