These Are Old Bones

I enjoyed this. It felt like I was reading your private journal. The imagery and use of language is also very creative. Great job! Keep writing!

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Your poem is magnificent.

Hey, can totally relate to this. It has a good narrative flow that pulls the reader into the emotion of the questions. My main critique, the repetition of pretend detracts from your flow and could be replaced with another world or just a smoother transition.

Something along the lines of "I can pretend but in the end-" could work. Either way it's very expressive, thank you for sharing!

-Lyn the BloodyChainDancer

Images are very vivid and very real and concrete, good job on that. I especially liked the one with the green kitchen and the father, very well written.
That being said, the poem is disjointed a lot of random (or they at least appear to be) images strung in a thread that, while beautiful, doesn't let the reader understand what exactly this poem is about.
You need to tighten it up, get a clearer look at what you are trying to say, use the same creative and beautiful language but make a coherent story from it.
Also, you need to format it, because right now it reads more like prose than a poem, and it makes it even harder to get at what you're trying to say.

I give you 7.5/10

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Good job, keep it up!

Great! I enjoyed reading, super creative.

Pain and pleasure are not mutually exclusive, and you navigate that very well, and your longing is so colored by this reference of suffering that is missed among everything else, all the same.

Your description of Angels is simply beautiful and entrancing! It's so vivid and relate to more than one sense so hats off. My favorite part tho is the imagery of the falling rain and burning house. I love the significance it alludes to. I don't know if you mean to explain it with "you start to forget about me" but I think some imageries work better when they speak for themselves implicitly!

I think it’s good. Suffers from the same pitfalls all young or new writers have to navigate like being precious about the vocabulary or adjectives that feel like filler. But it’s a lovely poem with a powerful sentiment about the longing, the passage of time, love, heartache. It conveys a lot and so it works for me.

Don’t ever stop writing.