You were never really there.

Sat opposite you

You didn’t mean much to me back then

We grew parallel to one another

But always on different moral paths

I don’t know how negligence can grow into someone like that

So deeply rooted

Someone loves you

With all their heart and soul and their whole life

And you can’t control your physical self

I never know about the mental

You say you don’t either but you’re just too afraid to be honest

How did you become that for me

You were home when there wasn’t one

In the cold grey 

You were warm and familiar 

But still couldn’t see the same in me

What did you see?

I want to feel the sadness again because I don’t want to let go

I was convinced you were my whole life

The life I haven’t lived yet

It was you

You never thought that far ahead really

I could see it so clearly 

Maybe you never loved me

But I’m so sure you did

Why do I have to be the one in pain

When you deserve it done to you

Everything

One hundred times over

I want to be avenged

I want you to feel it how I felt it

You never will

You don’t understand what could’ve been

If you were different.

That’s what I’m realising finally

I can’t change you

You can’t change you

You’re too weak for that

I need someone stronger

More self aware

More empathetic

As funny as you

As clever as you

As pretty as you

As easy to be with as you

As easy to talk to as you

As interested in things as I am

As driven as you

As hard working as you

Someone who knows me better

Someone who I can trust

Someone who understands me

Someone who is loyal

Someone who I can look at and talk to with just my eyes

A best friend

You were never a friend

In your head

I was the other

The authority

The enemy

Like your parents

I know that now

I don’t think you ever will

That’s why you rebel

It’s what you’ve always done

Home is where the heart is

And you left your heart at home

But you think you can run away from it

Your heartlessness will burn you

No matter how far away you are

1 & 2