Fall Rose

Workshop

Workshop questions: in the last stanza, should I replace 2nd line with “let me be the first snow” and replace “red” with “white” in the following line? Should the word “go” in the first line of last stanza be changed to “blow? Other suggestions welcome.

In a sea of snow,

Let me be a fall rose

Bloomed too late and dead too soon

Let me be like you.

.

In spring, let me be

An evergreen tree

Taller, imperceptibly so

Let me continue to grow.

.

Let me see you

A version of true

Sleeping through summer, lost in a dream

Let me learn how to be.

.

When the leaves go

Let me be a fall rose

Instead of red, let me be blue

Let me remember you.

Image which inspired the poem:

https://imgur.com/a/N1FLC8X

Feedback links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cvxwqk/ancient_and_yet/ey7cmy8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/z2a748/angel_strand_hues/ixfx8fh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Nov 23, 2022, 3:35 AM UTC

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