what i want(possible tw- read with caution)

(an: i wrote this during one of the worst nights of my life- if you struggle with disordered eating and ideation of death/suicide this poem might not be for you!! please read at your own risk and stay safe)

i want coat hanger collarbones, naked, vulnerable clavicles, a sinew-strung neck,

holding a skull shaped corpse-like face, sunken, angular, each molar visible beneath my cheeks.

i want a chest that feels like speed bumps under my fingers-

long, spider fingers, matchstick knuckles vacuum sealed together,

fragile, swinging arms, wrists that display the two twisting bones of my forearms.

i want scapulas- delicate china plates of bone on my xylophone ribcage,

a brilliant spine like an exclamation mark.

i want hip bones like handlebars- an iliac crest like a papercut,

metallic, hollow thighs, shins like crowbars, tendons like tent poles beneath tight tarp skin,

veins, purple rivers joining and diverging on a barren wasteland.

i’ll send up another prayer to disappear.

i feast on the absence of flesh, gasping for air, for anyone at all-

please, someone, witness me!

look at my dead stare, the rotting teeth, the bruised, mottled legs, the horrible burden of life,

give me the final validation-

palliative care, the freedom of being let go.

let me dance along the cliff’s edge,

tugging at melting wax feathers.

let my machinery fail against the tides of time,

and let the sea swallow me whole.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/z54a7q/ravenous/ixxt3ii/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/z5gvy4/turning_grey/ixxtgd3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3