I’m newly a pastors wife and we’re expecting our first this spring. I was curious what have others done when having a kid? He doesn’t plan to really take anytime off but I’m assuming expectations of how much he’ll be doing will be adjusted but nothing has been mentioned yet and I’m an anxious planner so I’m curious about others experiences! :) thanks!!
Posted Nov 29, 2022, 6:34 PM UTC
I took paternity leave and I'm so glad I did. If it's offered by your denomination, please take it. It sets a good example for others: other pastors and people in your congregation.
He should talk to his personnel committee (whoever hires him and sets the salary + benefits) about paternity leave benefits. If congregations want to be "family-friendly" (and they all claim that's what they want), then that should be reflected in their benefits. At the very least, I'd recommend asking for guest preachers for 2 months. That doesn't cost the congregation much money. $150 per guest preacher.
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While I totally get that it appears the leadership here just uses him when they want to (to go on visits or whatever) and want him at their beck and call so I wanted to see what others had done so we could set some (reasonable) guidelines when the time comes.
Twenty years ago, I took off two weeks as “paternity leave” (in accordance with my denomination’s policy at the time which allowed up to four, I think.) in addition to my regular vacation time that year. Paternity leave was very new and the church quite older/old-fashioned, so it came as a shock to some. I got a few looks. But, like others have said, I’m glad I did it to help my wife and family transition to a new child, as well as setting a positive example. I think I was still available for emergencies, but the two weeks of not preaching/teaching was very beneficial. I’d recommend it, in spite of blowback. I sometimes think, what do I want the next pastors to be able to experience because of what healthy precedents I set?
Thank you all so much! I’m definitely going to have him ask, I just wanted to see what other people had done for context. We’re new to this church and everyone seems really nice and understanding but there’s a few who seem to not have very realistic expectations.
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Depends on a thousand things. Best if your husband just ask someone. It could be anything from, "raising children is the woman's job" to six weeks vacation or anything in between.
I'd second asking - or better yet, coming up with a request and asking. It's valuable time, and hopefully the church would want him to get to enjoy it as much as possible and be a help.
But it's also possible the question has never come up because paternity leave hasn't been a norm for very long.
That’s what I’m thinking, it’s a much older congregation so I don’t think they’d be opposed but they also would be confused I think!