Ending an 8 year relationship

Hey everyone!

TLDR: I’ve been wanting to break up with my partner of over 8 years but I’ve felt so terrified to do so. I wrote a letter that I plan to read out loud to him and I’d like criticism on if I can come off as more kind and/or direct.

So I’m terrified for many reasons of things that will happen soon and things that will happen later. I’m scared of the entire conversation, scared of hurting him, of witnessing his grief when I tell him, of how I’ll respond to it, of if I’ll say the right things doing the least amount of damage possible. I’m scared of not having my best friend anymore, scared of how different my life will be, scared to move back to my parents and having to set boundaries with them, scared of meeting someone new, scared of future heartbreak from other people. The list goes on and on, I’m downright terrified for hundreds of reasons.

But even though I feel so scared, I can’t ignore my gut feeling that we aren’t right for each other and I don’t have romantic feelings for him and I know for a fact that they will never come back.

I think Im going to take this letter I wrote and write it on a piece of paper and ask him to please listen and let me say everything I need to say. Im sure that won’t work out, because I know he is going to cry as soon as I say the first sentence and I know that I’m going to as well.

I was wondering if I could share my letter with you all and I’m open to criticism, should I change anything, add anything? I want to be honest and hurt his feelings the LEAST amount as possible. Thank you in advance.

Start off by asking: Hey can we please talk about something?

I’m going to be honest, I’m feeling really anxious and afraid right now but I need to share with you how I’ve been feeling. It isn’t fair to keep it to myself. I’ve been selfish because I don’t want us to be over yet because I enjoy spending my days with you.

Like we talked about a month or so ago, there hasn’t been any romantic or sexual intimacy between us for a long time. It has really affected me and I’m sure that it’s affected you. I know we talked about trying to rekindle this but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t have romantic feelings for you anymore.

I also told you earlier this year that I’ve always had this seed inside of me that was curious what life would be like on my own but I haven’t wanted to water that seed because I value you so much. Even without the intimacy present, I love you with all of my heart and you’ve always been the most important person in my entire life, which is why it is so hard for me to try and let you go.

I want you to know that our relationship is incredibly special to me and I am so grateful for our love that we share together. I will love you for the rest of my life, you are the best friend that I have ever had.

From the very beginning of our friendship and throughout our entire relationship, you have ALWAYS made me feel safe, accepted, celebrated even, loved, and cared about. You have always been the one and only person that I can be my silly, obnoxious, weird, self without worrying whether or not you’re going to judge me.

However, instead of trying to rekindle romance, I think that while we are still in this stage that feels like just friendship, we should break up.

I want you to know that I am always going to care about you deeply and I feel so lucky that we got to spend as much time together as we have, and that we got to come into adulthood together.

These 8 years we’ve spent together have been so great and I cherish them but I think we need to experience what else life has to offer and take some time for self-discovery

I will say that part of me doesn’t feel ready to break up because I love spending time with you but I do also think it’s time to separate and focus on our own selves, as much as it terrifies me.

I hope that having time and space to focus on just yourself will help you learn to love yourself more and improve your mindset