Time to say goodbye for a while.

First things first: No, I won't leave the community. I can't do what Tails did, even though I certainly considered it for a moment or two.

...But I definitely need a break. I can relate to Tails way too much. There never has been a day where I haven't checked the Plounge. I spent ridiculous amounts of time on creating content.
But I can't get things done I'm supposed to get done. Important things. Life.

The first time I noticed how much this community is actually affecting me was back then when the whole r/MLSG thing started. The posts on the Plounge and MLSG were only the surface - we had many people in very dire straits messaging us/me privately.
I usually don't mention it since it certainly isn't something to brag about, but we had to tell people not to kill themselves a few times.

I never tried to be a therapist (never do that.) and always just showed said people the way; How to get help, which numbers to call, all that. I'm not a professional and I know it.
Still, I wasn't able to emotionally detach myself. I neglected my own problems.

So I luckily stopped doing that. I tried to stay away from everything negative, and apart from some recent drama I was able to do so.

Yet my problems didn't get better, they got worse. I'm still highly unmotivated and can't get out of certain vicious circles.
Nothing has changed in two years. I'm running out of time.

I can't believe it's already September.

I'm still not sure if and to what extent I should talk about my problems here. I planned on doing that in March, but it never happened. For one thing it's surely a very private topic - but I also don't want to be an attention whore or make people feel uncomfortable. Hiding serious problems feels like wearing a mask at some point, though.

I already had therapy (which didn't work.) and started taking meds in may (which still aren't doing anything.), but I never really actively focused on getting better. I always just waited.

Haven't done anything in two years. I stopped studying dentistry in 2010 after I couldn't even make it to the lectures anymore and decided to get well again before doing anything like that, but I'm still in the same spot.

So, what am I going to do?

Focus, I need to focus on my problems and nothing else. I need to force myself to stay away from everything negative and distracting. I need to stop procrastinating. I need to pull the plug.

I plan on completely blocking Reddit for 6 days per week. On Mondays I'll make posts about my week, maybe provide some content (next week I'm going to bake pretzels for my cakeday!) and try to stay at least somewhat in the loop.

For how long? I don't know. Until I get better.

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Till then, thanks for everything you gave me. Thanks for months of fun, singing, silliness, tears, gifts, talking and generally being awesome. I enjoyed my time here and hopefully will be able to enjoy it again soon. Don't forget me.

Your faithful Plounger,

Phei.

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If someone really needs me while I'm gone, message one of these people. They have my contact info.

BJ, Stabby, Deslosbin, Ry, Flower_Fairy, Orschmann, Kontan, Timbaer, Snivi, Crash. Sorry if I forgot someone.

Edit: I'll still be able to read your posts until 9am EDT. After that I'll set up a filter in my router.

Goodnight.

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Aaaand filter is active. Auf wiedersehen, fine ladies and gentlemen.