I think I might've fucked up...

 So I met this guy about 9 years ago, and we became incredibly close friends. I've never found it easy to make friends as most people just pass me up as the "Off-The-Wall Idiot" but I never really minded. He was the most genuinely kind and wholesome guy I ever met and I've always wanted the very best for him. I deeply cared about him, but at the time we were in Highschool and with puberty, and all these new emotions both of us interpreted our friendship as more than platonic relationship. So we decided to give dating a shot. I asked him out at the homecoming football game and just like that we were together. The issue being that he wasn't my type, he was immature, he lacked drive to get things done, and he just wasn't quite what I needed. But I looked over it for 3 years, because I figured he was the best person I'd find and that I was lucky just to find someone who found me attractive.

 Fast forward 3 years, and new feelings of regret, sadness, and self hatred begin to fester as I know I can't love him romantically. I wanted so desperately to love him because I truly hated the thought of hurting him, especially after I initiated the relationship. I felt trapped, insecure, and scared that I'd say something in my sleep on accident that he'd catch and turn against me. Or that I'd accidentally slip up and ruin our entire relationship. I was worried that if I let him go, he'd hurt himself, and that thought genuinely shook me to my core as I had a sort of motherly love for him. But I felt I had to because if I didn't he'd never find the perfect person for him. So I bit the bullet and did it. Breaking his heart, and breaking mine. I just don't know if I did the right thing, or if I just royally fucked up.