[1029] Cruel Maniac

I would really appreciate a critique of the second chapter of my Young Adult-Crime novel. Just for some background on the story, I'll provide a quick summary of the plot.

The whole town of Cromarty, Scotland is left in terror as the body of a 17-year-old girl is discovered in the dark side streets of the town. Despite being called to check out the body, Finlay is left out of the investigation although he feels the need to avenge his late girlfriend.

For context, this chapter is set out as a flashback in the dead girlfriend, Molly's perspective.

My Google Doc
Critique