Feel terrible over my current situation

Over the past 2 weeks or so I’ve been starting to feel deeply sad about many aspects of my life.

Me and my dad’s relationship is at its worst that it has ever been. We’re to the point where we haven’t spoken to each other in weeks. This is because I made the choice to travel home and spend the holidays with my mother instead of him.

My current situation regarding my future career. Coming out of a target school for the financial services industry, everybody seems to have nice offers for summer jobs and I’m here without a single call-back out of 40+ applications. This just doesn’t positively affect my mental health .

Lastly, I have a void in my heart that doesn’t to be fill with anything I try to do. I had a previous romantic partner (EC) that meant the world to me, but due to the pressure I was put on by my father over summer, the light at the end of the tunnel started to disappear. This caused me to push her away from my life by opening tinder and forcefully ending the relationship. To this day, I regret doing things as I did. Although I have come clean and told her everything, I believe she didn’t take me seriously and began talking shit about me behind my back. I didn’t like this action, but I still miss being with her in a relationship. I believe that my feelings of nostalgia intensified recently given that we had our first trip as a couple around this time of the year, and that really meant a lot to me. I just wish things could be as they were, because I don’t see myself with anybody but her. Unfortunately, she clearly doesn’t share this feeling.

Overall, I’m approaching that time of the year where I’m supposed to be cheerful full of sadness and despair.

Thank you for reading my short rant.