Background-Job4241

I grew up in a Childern of God commune, it messed up my life more then I thought, yes it was hell on earth but while youre living through it you think this is just my reality. I remember there would be a basement but more was like a brainwashing room. the smell of the carpet was actually the most stimulating thing in there. anyways this was just one of the several houses id visit. up stairs between the dining table and living room I remember they had this bamboo bowl of coins wondering "are these dollar coins?" no they werent, what ever it tied to the group. I dont know what they were for. im wondering if you guys know what I am talking about.

I began to finally remember everything that

I grew up in a Childern of God commune, it messed up my life more then I thought, yes it was hell on earth but while youre living through it you think this is just my reality. I remember there would be a basement but more was like a brainwashing room. the smell of the carpet was actually the most stimulating thing in there. anyways this was just one of the several houses id visit. up stairs between the dining table and living room I remember they had this bamboo bowl of coins wondering "are these dollar coins?" no they werent, what ever it tied to the group. I dont know what they were for. im wondering if you guys know what I am talking about.

I began to finally remember everything th

im 21f and Ive been trying to process my life. It was on my dad's side of the family but as a kid I was psychologically married to my step grandfather pretty much and was told the world will end. I remember being 8-9 and being told the full moons a sign well be gone. thats about 1 percent of it. specifically what kind of cult I dont know but my step grandfather did alot of "Children of God" ideology on me mixed with weird fundamentalism. They really do think life right nows I guess a "waiting room" then when we finally die a literal judge will send us to heaven. I was also trafficked at church a few times. I had a mom although, was mentally ill I could be normal at her house. onl

Ive been stalked for about 6 years now and all it began with red tacky sports cars who would follow me and yell slurs, id take different routes and still be followed. im not even gonna get into the entire story because its so surreal but they would plant dead animals to see possibly if I knew what the smell was? I dont know it's bizarre. then ramp it up if I did. I began to see the entire mk ultra shit. anyways I was with a group of people yesterday getting ice cream and 3 times those cars would ram the motor, honk, then wave there hands out yelling things. everyone was unsettled and my stomach dropped. It felt like some ritualistic shit going on straight up. I know yall guys say just ign

I have noticed this pattern with gang stalkers, they almost always have bright red tacky cars and they'll drive by honk, yell or ram the motor. I was with a huge group of people maybe 12 so honesty I wasnt sure if it was for me or someone else. but fuck my stomach dropped. does anyone know why they do this? something as innocent as getting ice cream they have to just ruin your night. everyone was so uncomfortable.

ive been nihilistic since I could remember. im 21f right now and I dont think ill be alive much longer. Ive already had attempts in the past. I genuinely dont see any point to living, Ive been harassed so much in my life I dont see why I should exist. I stayed in a mental hospital for a few days ago and it was nice but boring but I just realized I never felt suicidal at all in there, until I got back home and it began to happen , which made me think "wow I dont actually like living". I realized even at the hospital I couldnt talk about my real feelings because everything felt so fake. im the type of person to get comforted by my own depression. I wonder if anyone knows what im tal

It sounds nice on the surface but it's a reason why ive ruined bits and pieces of my life. I can never calibrate if im actually "cool" or not. Half of the time I am the other time I'm just fucked up and dont give a shit but secretly I do care. I self medicate with alc lowkey and seems to fill the void. I try not to do it everyday but sometimes im like fuck it why not? It helps me process my true feelings and just live and eat. I have always had an eating disorder. even if I want to eat its hard to. I cant smoke weed because its makes me feel like the worlds ending. I grew up with grandparents who were cultic and raised me with apocalyptic themes so it never left me and probably never will. T

I had a main perp for years he is gone now but when my life started to improve it got worse. when I started to notice it yeah it ramped up. this didnt feel like typical smear campaigns no something more. he had an expensive laptop and he'd wave it around and overtly mirroring me 1 to 1 in this predatory way. started to feel cultic. but yeah the agressive sexual taunting. I kept saying to myself "he was just an insecure low life scum bug" but the way he'd flaunt it was like a flag or warning. like something much more was happening. this shit is scary im not gonna lie. Ive lost so much sleep and had night terrors over this even tho it was 2 years ago. its pure devils work at play. anyo

My senior year of high school this guy would openly sexually harass me and act violent, screaming degrading me, basically molesting me and stalking me for months while my teacher saw everything. this wasn't a hallway issue. inside a class. screaming about my own family issues to make me more vunerble. overtly mirroring me in a sexual way and sleeping in class when I did etc. He reminded me of Charles Manson. that level of lunatic. anyways I was having mental breakdowns at my school and my math teacher (class before) found it entertaining like she's watching a sitcom. It re triggered my own ptsd and so instead of getting me help she found my breakdown fun to watch. My class knew my own t

I grew up in a Children Of God environment, im 21 now still trying to process it all. most of the abuse happened before the age of 12. anyways people knew I was in a cult before I did disturbing how that works. People at school noticed how id speak symbolically all the time, and my teachers. theyd be unsettled. I remember "flirty fishing" to my teacher having 0 idea I thought I was just being nice. It's fucked up. He was scared. anyone else?