BasicDesignAdvice

The dynamic between my wife and I has grown unsustainable and it looks like I am moving out. This is not the outcome I wanted and I don't know what the future holds.

I am scared and lonely and while I think this is the best opportunity to find myself and become a better person it is terrifying. I have been codependent for a long time and this is so scary.

I’m on my third therapist. Feels like the same thing. They are nice and it can feel good talking through childhood stuff but I don’t think they are trauma informed despite saying they are. Feels more like a cheerleader again, not giving me anything actionable and therapy is just me talking.

I can’t help but feel it should be different. I’ve read a as lot of the books on CPTSD and they’ll talk about therapy sessions as much more action oriented. Role play, exercises, somatic work. I never experience that. It’s like they read articles on these things just so they can say what they are doing intake but then they just listen to me go on and on without doing anything.

I know it’s not like fixin

My wife (44f) and I (43m) have had a rocky marriage the the last 3 years. We have been together 20 years with 2 kids and have built a great life.

In March 23. 2023 she told me "things needed to be different" and for the next year I did whatever I could to listen and be there and change.

We did largely recover but it was still tenuous at times, but we were spending time and having fun and finding our own identities which was sorely needed.

What I didn't know what I had an un-diagnosed mood disorder which was making this very difficult. However no matter how hard I tried I would be pulled back into either depressed or reactive states. This culminated with a mental breakdown in December of l

I just finished watching Ted Lasso and I'm looking for more sports content. Watched Hoosiers and Miracle which were both pretty good. Looking for more stuff along the same lines, especially the whole "Coach works with troubled team to make them shine vibe" and all that.

I quit porn and drinking and since then I am just not getting hard very often. I thought maybe real sex would be better but it wasn't.

The few times I did AM1 (less than 30 minutes) I noticed being fuller and having some half chubs but most days I can't get anything going.

I stopped porn over three months ago, I have been doing more stretching, better diet, taking walks but do want to up my cardio game.

Is there any exercise I can do without being erect?

My focus and concentration are still gone. It is to the point where I am doing what are basically beginner courses in my job to solidify my skills and build some confidence.

I know there is a period where focus and concentration are bad but this is feeling like it will never get better. I can't coast at work forever and I am feeling a little hopeless.

I have always wanted to try martial arts. When I was a kid my parents wouldn’t let me and over the years I look occasionally but never pull the trigger.

Been thinking a lot how many things I’ve wanted to do but haven’t, so this one came up.

If you started this late what was it like? What kind of martial arts did you do? Was it worth it? How hard will I get my ass kicked?

Last year I had a mental breakdown after years of dealing with an un-diagnosed mood disorder. Then when I came home I didn't give myself enough space to adjust and ended up getting in a big fight that resulted in my moving out. That was two months ago.

It was not just that fight, but years and years of my own poor behavior. Ignoring her, my own feelings, drinking to numb myself, and on and on. I just was not there as a partner.

My wife has appreciated the space and we both realized how much my moods were hurting us and the kids. I also went to intensive outpatient which helped me a lot. Despite the pain of separation I am better than I have ever been. It truly is a gift.

We agreed to have

This is the easiest time I have ever tried to quit, but I am totally crashed out. I can't get anything done and my attention is completely shot. Is this a thing?

I (M42) have been struggling for years. I was broken and not dealing with life well. I couldn't handle my stress and did not see all I had. I took it for granted.

After a mental break down that put me in the hospital, I continued to not do the work I needed. A month later she said I needed to leave. So now I am in a rental. I finally took a leave of absence to go to an intensive outpatient program and work on my mental health. It has been the best thing I have done for myself outside of building the life I have for my family.

The damage was still done. I spent years irritable and difficult to be around. I made my wife and daughters walk on eggshells around my moods, and took to mal-adapti

I am guessing there are a lot of you who like me can't stand the phone and making phone calls. I do much better with texts.

Doctors apparently don't know how computers work so getting my primary health care sorted has always felt like agony.

I got a new PCP and they will message me. I can just text off to them in their app....and they even respond.

This is so much better. I wish everywhere would be better about this.

Obsidian is my favorite app. I have my whole like in notes in it. For the year and a half since using it I have been trying to use it for tasks, and I think I have used all the methods (dataview, default tasks, TaskGenius and others).

I do need a task app and wondering what folks are using. If there is something that integrates with obsidian, but something that works well is what I need now.

I have been working on my rules a lot and one thing I can't seem to find and answer to is whether a rule can use another feature like docs.

For example I indexed the site Refactoring Guru and find it quite helpful.

I also have a rule called code-analyst and I would like that rule to always leverage the refactoring doc. I have written @refactoring-guru like in the chat, but I can't see any hard indication that it is using the docs.

Same for other stuff like @website and whatnot. Do rules know to use these features when I ask it to?

I am new to SRE. I'm a team lead and just inherited our companies core backend/platform team. Previously I was on a product team. The team doesn't practice SRE so much as they are an ops team, but there is a certain amount of automation to build on. We also have the usual stuff like metrics and alerting and all of that in place. The platform itself runs in AWS and uses Consul and Nomad for container orchestration.

I'm trying to soak up knowledge on how to move is more towards automation and best practices.