SGrumpy

Title says it.

The Italian says, 'I'd rather not talk abut football if you don't mind.'
The Swede replies, 'We could talk about sex.'
'yeah, sex is good.' says the Italian.
The Swede: 'WELL WE CERTAINLY FUCKED YOU.'

and says to the salesman:
'Can you recommend a pair of glasses that reflect my persona and are stylish?'
The salesman looks at him and hands him a pair of glasses 'These will probably suit you.'
The man takes the glasses and is about to try them on, pauses and says, 'They do look really good. How much?'
'2500 € to you.'
'What? Are you serious?!'
'Just try them on, Sir.'
So he does. Suddenly, the salesman is naked. He is amazed. He takes them off an the salesman is fully clothed again. He puts them back on and the saleswoman further down is naked. He takes them off and she is clothed again.

'Holy shit, these things are amazing. Worth 2500 € of any ones money!' and buys them.

and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy.
John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group.
To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised.
After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off

I made myself a wallpaper a while ago now.

I'll just leave it here.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

went to the doctors for a full physical examination.

A few weeks later, the doctor saw Mr. Morris walking down the road with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

'Hello Mr. Morris,' says the doctor, 'you're looking well and it looks like you're doing great!'

'Well, I got me a hot Mamma, and I'm being cheerful, just like you said doc.'

'I didn't say that! What I said was, "You have a heart murmor, be careful!" '

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.

Finally they came up with a cunning plan.

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.

Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.

They called again, the bull answered closer to them.

They called again, the bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in fr

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf everyday since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises with him and makes a cup of tea.

As they sit down, she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"

"That's no good," sighs Arthur, "your brother is 103, he can't help."

"He may be 103, but his eyesight is perfect." says the wife.

So the next day Arthur heads of to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns t