SingingEditor

I recently switched to a new school, one where i feel safe (enough) to say im a guy. The list still doesnt call me by my name, but my classmates do. Not a single one of my classmates has ever misgendered me, theyre all either ok with it or oblivious (maybee theyre going off of what i look like and not my voice?)

When I was called down to the nurses office, i was a bit worried, so far every nurse ive ever been to has been quite fatphobic (Ive got that build thats mostly muscles, with just the ammount of fat needed to cover that up. I look like im fat, but i can lift people twice my size. that has always been what i look like, as i started working out at 4-5 (CrossFit kids anyone?)), and i c

So I am going to highschool on monday (not a direct translation, but the same age group) and am questioning what I want to do.

Now for background, I'm 90% sure I'm a trans dude, but I haven't come out to anyone. Ive got a binder, I'm sure I could pull of the testosterone deficiency for my voice. And I've got a choice.

I was known as a cis girl in my previous school, but It didn't feel right. I'm afraid that if I show up as a girl, then that's all they'll ever see me as, but if I show up as a dude... What if I'm wrong? Ive got 1 chance for first impressions. I wanna make it count.

No chance to try the label and see how it fits

No chance to change my mind.

I think I want to be known as

I've developed a coping skill, where instead of self harming i just work out a lot (also helps that I've got a goal in mind: be so buff your boobs arent visible).

I don't like people seeing me work out, because i don't like people seeing me exhausted/vulnerable.

In going to go on a trip with my classmates, 5 days. I don't think I'll be able to go without the workouts OR cutting for that long, and I'm afraid my go to option will be sh, as I've been known to bash my head into walls. So yeah i don't want that.

I'll be sharing a room with 3 girls (i personally am a stealth trans dude) and am wondering where/how/when i could sneak off to for 25-30 minutes.

Should i do it early in the morning

I am really kind of scared right now, i found a way how i could kinda do it painlessly, zip tie th throaτ. I had sone zipties on hand, and wanted to test ir our, sourr of the moment kind of thing. I forgot to prepare a way to stop it, Incase it worked. I grabbed the knife i use to sh out of my drawer, twisted it so the edge pointed outwards, and slipped it into the zip tie around my neck, and cut forward. The knife hit my hand and i started bleeding alot (as in, clean up the blood and see a bit of meat) i then cleaned up the wound ( held under running water, then put a folded tissue over it, then a tight layer of tape)

The adrenaline is wearing off, my mouth tastes like blood, my hand h

The closer i am to the ledge (literally) the happier i am, if i lean out of a window so far i could fall if startled (or I'm standing on a bridge), i start smiling very brightly

Anyone else feel like this?

I've been holding on to random reasons (the holiday is almost here, I'm to busy, I've just started a show, etc.)

And recently the most/only compelling argument is that I'm almost done with this middle school from hell, and I'll be going to a gifted high school, but i don't think I'll just get my motivation and drive back when I leave like I've been promising myself, it's taken so much out of me, I'm not sure I'll regain that.

Atleast I'll be gone from these absolute assholes, and the structure in my class: guys get to say things, if a girl opposes, guess who'll get followed home after class (usually me).

I'll also (hopefully) be able to register my gender as something other than female,

I'm going to camp with the scouts tomorrow, and I'll share a room with the rest of the troop (my age group at least) and if any of them see, they'll tell my parents and i can't have that. I usually sh with a knife, but they've got a policy against bringing your own knives. Don't currently have any razors. If i just don't for the entire weekend I'll be kinda buggy. Also how do I hide it? We all change in front of each other

I've got two problems, but the main one is, I've self harmed on my thighs. I'm afraid that people will see my scars and tell my parents. I can get away with swim shorts for boys, but if i put them on properly (read: don't wear the waist in the middle of my hip bone) then you can see alot of my sh, I've gotten really lucky, because the pool we would go to has been closed for the last couple of weeks, but we might go any day now, and i need either excuses or a way to hide it, not swimming isn't an option, or else I'll have to repeat the year and not be able to leave this hellhole of a school behind. (My second problem is gender dysphoria swimming with a bunch of girls, and constantly being cal

I am an autistic genderfluid teenager from Austria, i am bilingual, like manga, drawing, warm pillows and biting ice cubes.

I put the milk before the cereal to bother my brother

I would like to chat about some other things that people say "only psychopaths do"

I dunno what else to say about myself...

I use :D when I'm happy?

I hope y'all's wanna be my frens

I think this is an interesting question, cause, it could be considered that they can't die, so they can't really kill themselves, ya know?

So answer me yae or nae

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I don't want to draw some fonts in the app, i want to be able to just import a PNG, and then use that to write the letter a for example,

All the other apps usually only have crappy drawing tools, and i prefer using ibis paint x

It doesn't have to appear as a keyboard z i might just need to code it so that if i input text it translates it to that font

The font doesn't even have to be copy-paste-able it can also just be saved as a jpg/PNG, idk

If anyone knows anything that works, please tell me

I don't want to draw some fonts in the app, i want to be able to just import a PNG, and then use that to write the letter a for example,

All the other apps usually only have crappy drawing tools, and i prefer using ibis paint x

It doesn't have to appear as a keyboard z i might just need to code it so that if i input text it translates it to that font

The font doesn't even have to be copy-paste-able it can also just be saved as a jpg/PNG, idk

If anyone knows anything that works, please tell me

I don't want to draw some fonts in the app, i want to be able to just import a PNG, and then use that to write the letter a for example,

All the other apps usually only have crappy drawing tools, and i prefer using ibis paint x

It doesn't have to appear as a keyboard z i might just need to code it so that if i input text it translates it to that font

The font doesn't even have to be copy-paste-able it can also just be saved as a jpg/PNG, idk

If anyone knows anything that works, please tell me

I don't want to draw some fonts in the app, i want to be able to just import a PNG, and then use that to write the letter a for example,

All the other apps usually only have crappy drawing tools, and i prefer using ibis paint x

It doesn't have to appear as a keyboard z i might just need to code it so that if i input text it translates it to that font

The font doesn't even have to be copy-paste-able it can also just be saved as a jpg/PNG, idk

If anyone knows anything that works, please tell me