TightUnderstanding10

Hey community, thank you for everything I’ve been reading. so I finally made it to two days of no alcohol and I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed and on the couch sweating if I try to do anything, I’m sweating, went though 2 sets off sheets last night and I have a bunch of towels laying on the couch to soak it up. Tried to eat but that went in and came right back out
Had to drive to the store yesterday and had a full on panic attack, that was the longest 20 minutes out of the house. Not sure where that came from but it sucked.
I Don’t really have cravings much, so hopefully the naltrexone and all the other supplements I’ve been loading up on are helping but I’m finally starting to

So this is what unfortunately I’ve become… addicted… it all started during Covid and the Maui fires accelerated it since we’ve lost both businesses…. Now it’s just drinking at dinner with clients or a fun night out…. It’s breakfast drinking before work then as soon as I come here we go again … 10-12 drinks later I pass out, sleep like shit, up at 3 am….
I want to and need to quit. Has anyone tried tapering down ? I don’t want to go to rehab or a hospital. Can’t afford it

I swear every time I walk in their prices go up

Everyday I been drinking vodka with spindrift mixed at home, hiding it from my wife to where she can’t even tell because I don’t get drunk I think I’m just drinking to maintain because right now it’s 428 am and I woke up feeling like I couldn’t breathe and I was a swollen pig.
I’ve been taking naltrexone which seems to not be doing anything because I can drink 2-3 cocktails before work, then when I get home have 3-4 more and they’re all doubles, triples …I just don’t know what else to do to stop. I know it’s a mental thing but ever since covid, loosing my business to the Maui fires I’ve been on this downhill spiral. Gained weight, stopped working out …. I’m just frustrated and disappointe

Doing a construction cleaning job and the concrete guys splattered concrete all over the sliders having left small divots from where the cement was. Is there any way on polishing that out or what’s my best options once the cements been scraped off ?

Looking to go mid June with friends coming to visit

So once again I did it and I’m getting mad myself. I traded green all day, up almost $1100 for the day. Usually I walk away and call it good, but sometimes when I have nothing going on I end up sitting there and make dumb trades then end up loosing $ by breaking the rules. Like today ….. ended up walking away with $489.20 after having been up nicely ….. Any advice on how to maintain disciplined even when it’s a slow boring market or not making dumb moves ?