EDIT: Since this is still floating around the top of the "hot" page of this sub, I just wanted to say that I'm no longer seeking critique for this chapter. I asked if name-dropping things without explaining them fully was confusing to an annoying degree, and the resounding answer was "YES" (or if not confusing, then at least very boring), so I'm going to go back to a more linear draft and polish that up instead of continuing on in this direction. (I'd welcome any crit on things that are applicable to more than just this chapter, like sentence structure, dialogue believability, or staging, but I don't want to make you slog through 2.3k words for that.)
Thank you so much to those that
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