imascream

I have had my piercing for a week now and I have been finding myself twisting it just out of boredom (not harshly, it doesn’t hurt at all) - But I have heard really awful things about twisting your jewelry. So I am here wondering if any one here has twisted it and it’s been okay or if I really need to stop :)

I cannot stop dissecting my every action, overthinking my every word and regretting all my decisions. It’s getting out of control, I feel like I am spiraling. I cant stop worrying about being a bad person with malicious intents, even when I am truly sorry for something I push myself beyond an edge and begin to sob with intrusive argumentative thoughts flooding in. All I do is try my best, but it’s still not enough at the end of the day.

It’s so simple but it’s so jarring and I cant seem to get it out of my head. ‘Shut the fuck up already’ - It seems so light but I cant express this enough, EVERY TIME I TALK I GET THIS. It’s like a loud frustrated yell and there has been multiple times in public where I’ve had to say ‘Sorry, my brain. Anyways‘ BECAUSE OF THIS THOUGHT ALONE. It definitely stems from my worry of sounding dumb + annoying while speaking, but wow. Thanks brain! Way to make my anxiety lessen.

I want more friends on Beatstar to compete with and see their ratings on songs next to mine! I’m only on level 8 right now but I play daily.

I want to preface by saying that I have not been clinically diagnosed with anything other than OCD, but I am going to talk to a therapist soon to mention PTSD. I recently had a flashback to a time when I was 7ish but I saw it from third person view, I could see myself and feel exactly how I felt in the moment that it happened. Then last night, I watched a movie with family that was very triggering and it put me in a mental breakdown and I was immediately flooded with memories I must have suppressed because again I didnt have any recollection of them. They almost feel not mine but I know I was. It terrifies me to think that there are more memories, possibly worse, that I have completely forgo

I have a fear of smelling bad, I know it sounds silly but the idea of someone being by me and thinking I smell actually horrifies me. This intrusive thought drives me insane because it leads to a OCD type of routine. Anytime something around me smells I immediately think it’s me. Then I smell every part of my body and ask my friends if I am what smells, it has gotten so bad where I have prefaced ‘sorry I didn’t get a chance to shower this morning’ to people at work and they ALWAYS say I smell fine. There could be a steaming pile of literal shit and I would still have to go through the processes of feeling ‘sure’ it’s not me. It’s incredibly annoying.

Saw a very old man at work today and intrusively thought ‘I want him to die soon’. Felt sick the rest of the night, even after replaying ‘I don’t mean it’ over and over in my head. Intrusive thoughts at their finest.

BOWLING DOESN’T MIX WELL WITH OCD. hahahhahaha it wasn’t horrible but it was at the same time, i would restart walking to the line over three times in one turn purely because it ‘didn’t feel good enough’ (then still shoot a gutter but that’s besides the point). i overthought the line and would walk and then almost stumble thinking that i walked too far and if my feet didn’t perfectly align with the pins to the left, i would reposition myself. idk it had been a long time since i last went bowling, so maybe this was all just me being ‘rusty’. <3

whenever i get my nails done it’s excruciatingly painful for me to watch becuase i can picture and feel what it would be like to get skinned with the drill or rubbed with the buffer idk

is it annoying, rude, or blunt for your shopper to ask you to rate them?

I know this isn’t very intrusive thoughts related but I thought I would post it here becuase I feel like people will understand. This question might sound silly and there is no way for me to really explain it but it feels like my thoughts are too much and only music contained in headphones at full volume can block them out.

(i felt like this itch in my arm and it felt like an internal itch if that makes sense, and then this popped in my mind😃)