r/BDSMnot4newbies

7K archived posts · Apr 2020 – Sep 2026

Decent people discussing "indecent" things.

r/BDSMnot4newbies

This diverse subreddit is especially for kinksters who are not BRAND NEW to the lifestyle. Active beginners absolutely welcome! We share ideas, stories, questions, advice, support, humor and friendship among good people who know some twisted stuff and want to explore more. We <3 newbies; everyone was a newbie once. We just want them to ask their "how do I start" questions elsewhere. >> JOIN US FOR LIVE CHAT ON DISCORD: https://discord.gg/JCDg9Xw5sM

Created Apr 25, 2020 · NSFW

28KMembers (last snapshot)

7KArchived posts

This diverse subreddit is especially for kinksters who are not BRAND NEW to the lifestyle. Active beginners absolutely welcome! We are sharing ideas, stories, questions, advice, support, humor and friendship among good people who know some twisted stuff and want to explore more twisted stuff. We appreciate newbies; everyone was a newbie once. We just want them to ask their "how do I start" questions elsewhere.

#Subreddit Rules

###1. Must be eighteen or older to post or comment

Reddit-wide rule, strictly enforced. There will be no exceptions.

###2. No "How do I start" or "Tell me what to do" posts.

This is a place for folks who are already participating in BDSM, including active beginners.

Examples of questions which don’t fit here:

How do I start? / What should we do first?
How do I "get rid of" my kinks?
Is this a kink? / What do you call this kink?
How do I "be dominant?" / How can I be a good submissive?
I'm new; how do I find a Domme, etc?

###3. Don't be a jerk. This can lead to a ban.

This subreddit is designed to be a respectful, safe place for kinky people to hang out, build community, and support one another. Imagine you’re out for beers -- or whatever -- with some kinky friends. No name-calling, no drama. If you have a serious issue with something which has been said, report it and move on. We’ll take it from there.

###4. Avoid misgendering people.

Trans women and cis women are all women. Trans men and cis men are all men. Non-binary people are people and their genders are what they tell you they are. Misgendering people is rude - if you do it by accident, apologize and move on. The way to avoid that is to be intentional about how you refer to people.

###5. Trolls and wank bankers, fuck off, and also, please don't post erotica here.

We welcome kinky ideas and sharing of experiences, told as if you’re out for beers with your kinky friends. Do not post erotica. We recommend our partner subreddit, r/BDSMoriginal, and we have a weekly self-promotion megathread for telling your kinky friends here that you’ve posted some of your sexy creative writing over at r/BDSMoriginal.

Also: "Help! My kitten locked herself in the bathroom and I don't know what to do so I came to Reddit to ask" and other troll nonsense is not gonna fly.

###6. No sexual or kinky discussion involving minors (<18). This includes talking about YOU as a minor.

We will be very vigilant about this and will not offer any wiggle room. Reddit has a broad policy (see link) which leaves lots of room for interpretation, meaning, lots of content can be argued to be in violation of the policy. Please work with us to stay within Reddit's allowable content.

https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive

###7. About SFW and NSFW images - carefully read details.

Mods will use discretion. When in doubt, ASK. No nudey pics (exposed nips and bits) except on Kitten Kake Day (see rule 11). OTHER IMAGES, SFW or NSFW (nips and bits covered) may be posted AS A LINK IF they serve the textual content -- spark or add to a broader discussion. Except on KKD, we don't welcome pics for their own sake or merely for personal validation ("look at the marks I earned") or for making us part of your game, task, dynamic. Try our partner, r/BDSMoriginal.

###8. No personal ads. Nothing that smells like a personal ad.

This is not a hook-up sub. Try r/BDSMpersonals or r/BDSMr4r. If it seems like you're looking to hook up / attract a partner, we'll remove your post or comment and issue a ban.

###9. Ask in comments before PMing. Sending a Reddit chat is ok, as it can always be declined.

Don't hit on people. It's creepy. If someone does this to you, please report them to the mods. Conversations -- and whatever -- offline are fine, but not if they're unsolicited / unwanted. In addition, please strongly consider keeping conversations online, so we can all enjoy / benefit.

###10. No spamming.

We do not host spam/self-promotion. However. ACTIVE MEMBERS: We have a weekly “self-promotion megathread” in which members of the community are invited to tell us about your podcast/book/site/product/erotica which you posted elsewhere. If you wish to submit a link, please provide some context and an introduction. If we feel you only show up to promote, you will be held in violation of this rule.

###11. Kitten Kake Day is the 25th of each month.

On the 25th of each month, in support of each member's pride in who they are, including their sexual identity, we lift most restrictions on posting photos -- original content only. You may post nudes. You may post all your bits. You may post just a photo without accompanying text for context. The community uses this as a day for people to fly the freak flag high if they wish, and for their friends here to celebrate them. Have fun and carefully observe guidelines stated on the day, please.

Resources

Escaping an Abusive Relationship

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