AITAH for not wanting to stay with my partner of 5 yrs cheating when I had cancer.

This is a bit redundant given the title I know. A little back story I met my now Ex (29 M) we will call him Tyler 5 years ago, me (30 F).

Our start was a bit rushed but never had felt right anyway. When we met his bio dad was my neighbor and he seemed too good to be true. Planned surprises, bubble baths, presents , and surprise pedicure appts. You name it he did it. I then saw his phone light up one night unlocked and went to take it to him in the bathroom. It was a picture message from a random number of lingerie text said “I can wear this for you” I didn’t flip or panic I calmly walked to the door of the bathroom as he waked out of the door, I handed him his phone and said “you can leave”

He doubled down and cried while I went outside shocked that this happened to me AGAIN. I’m no stranger to abusive people and cheaters. Which makes me perfect prey. He used a sob story about a dead family member being ashamed of him for this mistake and I caved and believed his excuse that “he didn’t know me and him were official”(he was living in my house) I should have took warning from this.

Fast forward 3 mos in I had a terrible allergic reaction not sure what caused it and the doctors didn’t either.

I was put on a lot of antibiotics and steroid shots to stop the hives/rash I got on 90% of my body. Now this all cleared of and Tylet was great through it, or so I thought. He had the idea I should take out my birth control ring as that could be an issue. I blindly agreed and changed methods, this is important later. Due to the change and maybe not enough adapting time to the new BC , I found out I was pregnant. At the same time I found out at my 3rd visit, I had cervical cancer.

My OB said this could be aggressive or passive so I had the option to terminate and help my health. Maybe it was the hormones I’m not sure but I decided to pray for the best and keep my baby.

I told him he could leave it was a new relationship and I didn’t plan on making him stay like he was being demanded to. He said no way I’m staying.

Now during this I was more ill than normal pregnancy and kinda in LaLa Land. He was not being the same anymore nor did he care about my cancer concerns or issues. We moved to where his mom was to maybe help her some too and have him closer to family as I don’t have any Im orphaned/ foster kid.

This was a nightmare.

He promised to be the same man I met over and over. He wasn’t there for me after I gave birth and help, he didn’t help with the new baby. He let his family talk bad about me be 8mos pregnant with cancer all because I was ill and tired from working 9hr days (walking uphill daily and cleaning apartments to flip and managing the property itself) he had told me if we had more money he would be sweet and loving again so I started working at 7 mos pregnant.

I was fed up he said we needed our own place so he could try and be sweet again like I deserve. So I planned out the move back to my home town (his family became drama he says) got a place squared out. During this the only family I had started dying my grandpa then my grandma all around my daughter’s birth and right after. I was a mess. I Went back to work way too early (he didn’t find a job yet but I did)

I went through cryotherapy for my cervical cancer (on my own) he never asked about ANYTHING to do with my health. Played games on his phone and stared at other women on social media etc.

He gave me more hoops he wanted a truck again he got it, I got mastitis in breast he paid for my reconstruction and surgery I was thankful there actually after asking a few times to please help the pain.Then he gave me another hoop, we needed a house to buy to be happy not an apartment. I saved I worked hard I helped I didn’t nag just asked when I would get my sweet romantic man back sometimes with the same excuse above. We go a house, he decided to get an out of state job traveling a lot for long periods. Didnt ask my thoughts just said he needed to provide for his family (at this point we bought a house.

Things got worse no communication never prioritizing me or his daughter. He didn’t find nothing to help when he was home etc no affection no attention no love at all. He was even weird about helping me with bills. He was “sad to see the money leave his account” he would say.

Then now it’s 5 years in I find out he’s cheated on most girls he dated and that he cheated on me again and he’s been secretly on dating sites and flirting out of state anyway. He doesn’t know I know about all of this. Oh and to add to it the BC issue? He joked that he knocked me up on purpose. I could have gotten cancer other places while pregnant my OB is in a major city then and she was SHOCKED it stayed the same way it was even after the pregnancy. (I still have to get checked etc extra paps all that)

He was upset when I left said “I did this to myself and didn’t have to move out and leave” and do what??? Stay here to be cheated on while working 2 jobs raising kids while going to college too???? With cheating partner….

No thank you

He says I’m wrong and I caused the cheating and all the hoops he gave me weren’t the real reason he was lovey to me. He said the real reason is because I didn’t do enough for him. When I had a newborn I didn’t give him enough attention. When I was going through treatment and dealing with rebuilding trust with him he didn’t change anything. He also said I shouldn’t have been petty.

I caught him cheating and tagged him and the girl on FB and yep I’ll do it again, she knew all about me period.

So am I to blame for breaking up the family, he says I ruined his life and everything that he didn’t give me is because I didn’t give enough to him.

Is this true, I feel so lost on right and wrong.

(Lot of info if anyone needs clarity please ask!)