Old Habits

It's weird. Living in a Muslim household and acting like I'm still a real Muslim. Praying feels even more meaningless than it did when I actually cared. Jummah lectures still make me feel annoyed or uncomfortable sometimes. Now I just don't bother trying to push that feeling down. But the weirdest thing is the habits.

My work friends know I'm not properly Muslim. And yet every time I see one at the mosque on Friday, I still go "Jummah Mubarak " and part of me means it. I think. Sometimes, I say Alhamdulillah when I'm alone or with non-Muslims. Little things like that make me question whether or not I've truly lost faith in the religion. Or if I'm just throwing a years-long tantrum.