I am questioning my entire life!!

I am questioning my entire life!!

I am a 25F lesbian married to a straight guy.

Yes, it was a forced marriage. My mom knew about me and emotionally blackmailed me into this marriage because of “log kya kahenge” and society pressure. I understand she also has to face society, but sometimes I wonder why my whole life had to be sacrificed for it.

Before anyone assumes things: no, I am not cheating on my husband with another girl. I never did.

Yesterday I made a post asking what Pakistani awam thinks about gay/lesbian marriages, and honestly the response gave me goosebumps. The comments were brutal, and I even got threatening DMs. It made me realize how unsafe this space really is for people like me.

And the sad part is, my husband is not even a bad person. He genuinely isn’t. But I could never gather the courage to tell him who I really am because he is also homophobic, just like most people around us.

I am from LHR. Right now it’s 6:30AM and I’m just sitting here thinking about my life and what’s going to happen next.

My mental health is honestly not okay anymore. Every day I keep thinking: what happens next? How long can someone live a life that doesn’t even feel like theirs?

This is not an attention-seeking post or karma farming. I just wanted to let this out somewhere because I have nobody I can openly talk to about this.

I just want to ask… is anyone else here also married or engaged while hiding this part of themselves? Or is it just me and my naseeb?